I've been told that wedding dreams can get pretty crazy - especially right before the wedding. Well folks, we are officially one month and 3 days away from the big day, so it must be time!
The truth is, I've been having wedding dreams since college. It just so happens that in those dreams I wasn't actually marrying someone in real life. There was always a theme in those dreams: marry the right guy. I all of my pre-wedding dreams (pre-dating, pre-engagement) I am in the process of marrying someone who either really doesn't love me or whom I really don't love. However, this realization always seems to come on the day of the wedding...and then I am forced to choose myself or my "obligation" to the wedding and the fact that my parents have shelled out a boat-load of money. Trust me, I always did the right thing, even though I wrestled with it in my dream.
When Dan and I were first dating, I had a dream that we'd broken up. I moved on rather quickly and ended up getting engaged. As it turned out, Dan and I then got an internship at the same company (for a major fashion designer). In our hiatus, he realized that he loved me. Then, he discovered I was engaged and left a wedding dress for me with this note: "You will look beautiful in this. I love you." I knew I had to marry him and not the other guy.
Two months ago I had my first wedding dream as an engaged person. I had a dream that I was getting married - but not to Dan, which was funny because he was the one that I wanted to marry. He was my best friend, and we did everything together and spent all our time together - and I was getting married. But, then I realized that I wasn't marrying Dan; I was marrying Kevin James. And he (KJ) would talk to me about how excited he was to get married to me, but all I could think about was how I really wanted to be with Dan. When I thought about kissing my husband - it was Dan; when I thought about being with my husband - it was Dan...not that other guy. So, I was a little panicky when I realized that I wasn't marrying Dan but this other guy. I didn't know how I was going to get out of it or why I would even agree to marry someone who wasn't Dan.
Then, I woke up and remembered that I AM marrying Dan and I do get to marry my best friend. :)
Last night, I had my second wedding dream. This one is a little strange to me, but I will recount it the best that I can. My friend Andrea is very instrumental in this dream; I believe that she arrange the entire wedding and set me up with the man I was supposed to marry. The man I was marrying was Thai and really needed to get married. Apparently, I was the best 'outlet' for this to happen.
He was a very nice and understanding man; not unattractive, but I was not really attracted to him. He was also in love with another woman, but for whatever reason could not marry her. She was at 'our' wedding. Apparently, Dan was still in the picture because I knew that I loved someone else and wanted to marry him. Now, Mystery Husband-to-be and Andrea were both aware that I was marrying Dan (and Dan and I were still getting married) - but also kept impressing upon me the fact that I need to marry MH2b.
I don't know that MH2b and I interacted a lot, but right before the wedding I was very sad when I realized that I would have to divide my affection between these two men. He kept asking me what was wrong and obviously cared for my feelings (I said he was a nice man), but I didn't feel like I could say, "I can't marry you," because every one was telling me that I must.
The ceremony began. It began with basically a synopsis of what a great guy he is; he was at the front of the room - and I was in the back on some couches with Andrea and her friends. The entire time, I just kept picturing Dan and realizing how much I wanted to be with him only. I was not interested in being a shared wife, no matter how understanding MH2b was...and when I realized that there was a woman who actually loved him and whom he loved, well, my decision was easy.
His friends now tried to convince me that I couldn't cause a scene and embarass him so publicly. But, folks, a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do. So, I stopped the wedding to MH2b explaining that I can only love one man - and he deserves all of my love and affection; it cannot be split no matter how kind another may be. And, MH2b deserves to be fully loved - and I cannot do it. In the end, I only want to be married to Dan because I love him with all of my heart, soul and strength. I cannot share that love with another.
So, in synopsis, my pre-wedding dreams have the same theme: will I choose Dan? Yes, I will.