Friday, October 2, 2009

Friends in Low Places

Or perhaps, friends when we're in low places. Not to say I'm in a low place...just keep reading.

I met with my "major profesessor" this morning. After that, I stopped by my grad school office to see my friend Nav. As I walked back to my 'real' office, I had this thought, "Friends are there to remind us of who we are and who we desire to be, when we can't see that in ourselves."

Perhaps you're wondering, "Jessica, what in the world are you talking about? Are you okay?"
Yes, I am. But, for those of you who know me, you know that I can be very good at recognizing my short-comings. (Maybe stress the 'can' - Dan would probably tell you that I can be very good at seeing my superior-comings.) And for those who know me, you know that when it comes to big decisions that highly impact my life or the lives of others, I don't decide things flippantly. I agonize over the possible consequences and people's reactions; I worry; I fret; oh, and then I remember to take them to our Father in Heaven. (Hey, I'm trying to be better about doing that first; but, I still go back to square one.)

...and I wonder if I'm enough. I've thought this week about the cost of loving someone when it hurts, when it's scary, when life hits you. When love becomes real and not just chocolates and flowers. This week, I had a great conversation with my cousin Amy. As I wondered if I could really do that (knowing my own selfish desire for the easy stuff), she pointed out, "Jessica, you already do that. When Dan had his seizure scares, you could've very easily decided after that to go. But you didn't. Jessica, you have what it takes."

Today, Nav was asking me about Dan and he said, "He must be a pretty good guy." I smiled and said yes. Then he said, "No, pretty good is not good enough. Jessica, he must be an excellent guy for you to have allowed him close to your heart." Later, he said it again, but added, "Jessica, you are good person and God-oriented, you choose good people to be your friends."

It's nice to be reminded that people can see who we are and long to be when our own fears and doubts cloud our view. Above all, I love that God sees us as His new creation, His children with full knowledge of our short-comings and the areas where we lack strength. I love that He desires to meet us in those weaknesses that His power my displayed more fully.