Sweet Distraction

Switcheraoo!

2011-06-26T17:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Faithful Followers,

This note is to inform you that I will now be blogging at http://dannyboyandjgirl.blogspot.com/ and no longer posting on this site. In fact, posts have already been made at the above site. If you've been wondering what we've been up to lately, go check it out!

If you follow this page, please start following the other! It will be updated more often...especially since I don't have a job right now! :)

Sincerely,

Jessica

Sweet Dreams are made of this...

2011-04-26T09:12:00.000-05:00

I've been told that wedding dreams can get pretty crazy - especially right before the wedding. Well folks, we are officially one month and 3 days away from the big day, so it must be time!

The truth is, I've been having wedding dreams since college. It just so happens that in those dreams I wasn't actually marrying someone in real life. There was always a theme in those dreams: marry the right guy. I all of my pre-wedding dreams (pre-dating, pre-engagement) I am in the process of marrying someone who either really doesn't love me or whom I really don't love. However, this realization always seems to come on the day of the wedding...and then I am forced to choose myself or my "obligation" to the wedding and the fact that my parents have shelled out a boat-load of money. Trust me, I always did the right thing, even though I wrestled with it in my dream.

When Dan and I were first dating, I had a dream that we'd broken up. I moved on rather quickly and ended up getting engaged. As it turned out, Dan and I then got an internship at the same company (for a major fashion designer). In our hiatus, he realized that he loved me. Then, he discovered I was engaged and left a wedding dress for me with this note: "You will look beautiful in this. I love you." I knew I had to marry him and not the other guy.

Two months ago I had my first wedding dream as an engaged person. I had a dream that I was getting married - but not to Dan, which was funny because he was the one that I wanted to marry. He was my best friend, and we did everything together and spent all our time together - and I was getting married. But, then I realized that I wasn't marrying Dan; I was marrying Kevin James. And he (KJ) would talk to me about how excited he was to get married to me, but all I could think about was how I really wanted to be with Dan. When I thought about kissing my husband - it was Dan; when I thought about being with my husband - it was Dan...not that other guy. So, I was a little panicky when I realized that I wasn't marrying Dan but this other guy. I didn't know how I was going to get out of it or why I would even agree to marry someone who wasn't Dan.
Then, I woke up and remembered that I AM marrying Dan and I do get to marry my best friend. :)

Last night, I had my second wedding dream. This one is a little strange to me, but I will recount it the best that I can. My friend Andrea is very instrumental in this dream; I believe that she arrange the entire wedding and set me up with the man I was supposed to marry. The man I was marrying was Thai and really needed to get married. Apparently, I was the best 'outlet' for this to happen.

He was a very nice and understanding man; not unattractive, but I was not really attracted to him. He was also in love with another woman, but for whatever reason could not marry her. She was at 'our' wedding. Apparently, Dan was still in the picture because I knew that I loved someone else and wanted to marry him. Now, Mystery Husband-to-be and Andrea were both aware that I was marrying Dan (and Dan and I were still getting married) - but also kept impressing upon me the fact that I need to marry MH2b.

I don't know that MH2b and I interacted a lot, but right before the wedding I was very sad when I realized that I would have to divide my affection between these two men. He kept asking me what was wrong and obviously cared for my feelings (I said he was a nice man), but I didn't feel like I could say, "I can't marry you," because every one was telling me that I must.

The ceremony began. It began with basically a synopsis of what a great guy he is; he was at the front of the room - and I was in the back on some couches with Andrea and her friends. The entire time, I just kept picturing Dan and realizing how much I wanted to be with him only. I was not interested in being a shared wife, no matter how understanding MH2b was...and when I realized that there was a woman who actually loved him and whom he loved, well, my decision was easy.

His friends now tried to convince me that I couldn't cause a scene and embarass him so publicly. But, folks, a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do. So, I stopped the wedding to MH2b explaining that I can only love one man - and he deserves all of my love and affection; it cannot be split no matter how kind another may be. And, MH2b deserves to be fully loved - and I cannot do it. In the end, I only want to be married to Dan because I love him with all of my heart, soul and strength. I cannot share that love with another.

So, in synopsis, my pre-wedding dreams have the same theme: will I choose Dan? Yes, I will.

Those 3 little words

2011-03-27T21:33:00.000-05:00

It's as if we grow up knowing that the three most powerful, most beautiful, most expressive words are "I love you." When I was younger, I stumbled across my mom's journal from her junior year of college. The ONLY entry in the entire thing was, "Last night, Brian said those three words that every girl longs to hear..." I didn't have to ask, "What were those words, Mom?" However, in this post I would like to posit that the three most powerful and significant words that we each long to hear, but rarely do - and offer too infrequently, are the words, "You are forgiven."

How many of us grew up fighting with our siblings? When push finally came to shove and one of us started crying, we immediately had to say, "I'm sorry." Most of the time, we said it reluctantly and without any feeling of sorrow. At certain times, our mothers would make us accept the apology. Sometimes, she even made us say, "I forgive you." Our heart wasn't there, usually. It's like we learned to begrudgingly offer forgiveness.

Here's the reason why I say the words "You are forgiven" are more powerful than, "I forgive you." "I forgive you" positions us in the seat of power. We may offer these words as the injured party to the party that did the injuring...but we don't let go very easily. Stating, "You are forgiven," actually reminds us that this person has been extended the same divine mercy and grace from Jesus Christ that we have. It places me on the same level of this person, which is proper. It reinstates both of us to where we both belong. It's said that at the foot of the cross, there is level ground. The act of reconcialiation voiced in the words, "You are forgiven," places the giver and receiver there.

Today, I witnessed an event where reconciliation was needed. A misplaced scooter fell over and broke a garage door. A blame-game ensued. The boy did what he was supposed to; he put the scooter away - just not where it was supposed to go. It happened to fall over. However, the brunt of the blame was placed on him. He bore the burden of knowing he'd upset his dad and wanted to place the blame anywhere else but on him - but he couldn't.

Last week, I over-reacted in various "discussions" with my parents. It was definitely the weekend of "doing what I don't want to do and not doing that which I want to do" OR more aptly put, "behaving the way I don't want to, and not behaving the way I want to." I apologized - multiple times - and just wanted to know that the love had been restored, even though I acted ridiculously. My little friend in the above story is the same way. He just wants to know that the love is still there even though his mistake may cost his family hundreds of dollars.

Isn't this a position that we all find ourself in, at some point in life? Haven't we all screwed up, behaved in a way that we know is immature and not at all how we know we should act? Everyday we trespass against another - knowingly or unknowingly. AND everyday, somebody else trespasses against us. We want to hold it against those who wrong us because we desparately want to be right. We even try to convince God that it wasn't our fault so that we are in the right. We come by it naturally enough. In the creation story, we learn all about how to play the blame game. When God questions Adam, he's not just blaming Eve. He's really blaming God: "the woman that You put me here with gave me something to eat." He's really saying, "You know, if You hadn't created her, I wouldn't have disobeyed. This really has nothing to do with me. It's really your fault."

Playing the blame game is something we can do all too well. Just because we're good at it does not mean that it's good for us to engage in it. Do we really feel better when we place our hurts and frustrations on another person? How do we feel when it becomes us; when we bear the brunt of the another's trespasses? It doesn't solve anything. It just begins a cycle of blame & guilt & desparately trying to be in the right, while wronging another.

That's what is so remarkable the Cross. It's the great cycle-stopper. On the cross, we're told that Jesus absorbed all of that wrongdoing. All of the ways that we have hurt another, He took that - and nailed it to the cross - where it died. All of the ways that others have hurt us, He took that, too - and they were nailed to the cross - and they died. Additionally, all of the ways that we wronged God by blaming Him for our lot in life, for what we, ourselves, did - He took that, too - and they died. That death erased the scoreboard against us - and 'for' us (the one that makes us more right than another). It made us equal. REALLY - all equally forgiven. All given the equal chance to have new life - by receiving mercy instead of punishment - and grace instead of banishment.

How often do you remind another that they are forgiven? Let's try it. When someone apologizes to us, instead of just saying, "I forgive you," let's also add, "You are forgiven." Let's restore them to their position of love and trust in our lives. Mistakes happen; wronging another happens - let's let people know that we give grace - unmerited favor - because we've been given it, too.

(I'm not advocating being a doormat or allowing behavior that harms you - just petitioning for us to be more quick to remember we are forgiven.)

Light from Light

2011-03-23T10:01:00.002-05:00

My title comes from a line in the Nicene Creed describing the divine nature of Jesus: Light from Light, True God from True God; begotten not made, one in being with the Father. (I could have some of those phrases mixed up; I am, after all, a newly minted Catholic.) My subject matter is "signs from God."

At times in my life when I have been hard-pressed, downcast in spirit, crushed, I have looked to God for some sign of encouragement: to know (and be reassured) that this is truly just a moment in time; that "this, too, shall pass." That this season I am walking through is really just a season, not what will be until the end of time. Many times, He has answered me with light - brilliant displays of the sun breaking through and illuminating creation.

How like Him! What an allegory of Himself! Jesus is the Light of the World. The Son who broke into our world, broke the chains and burdens of sin and darkness that have enslaved us, and by living in us, illuminates our lives! This is the transfiguration that James, John and Peter witnessed.

[I have just taken a divine tangent. Now, I'd like to get back to what I originally intended to write.]

When I was young, my mom told me that when the sun would break through the clouds, she thought of it as God smiling down upon us.

That has stuck with me. Whenever I am feeling low, I look to the sky; to the heavens from where my Help comes.

About two and half years ago, after a relationship had ended (or so I thought), I spent an afternoon driving through the rain dropping students off at their schools. On my return trip, I just spent time crying (literally) out to God - wondering when things would finally work out - and asking specifically for some encouragement. As I drove into Ames, the sky immediately turned from gray and rainy to brightly illuminated by the sun. It was early October, and the trees glistened. The world was shining and golden. I knew in my heart that God was faithful; that He had this; that the time would come - sooner that I thought and in such a way that I would surprise me with its goodness.

Last year, after Dan and I had just visited my grandpa in the nursing home, we were driving back to Ames. It was early on a Sunday morning, just four days before Grandpa passed from this life. My grief was so strong. That morning, I have never witnessed the Iowa landscape lit up the way it was. The sky was this amazing aqua-blue and the fields of northeast Iowa were a magnificent green. There were low clouds in the sky illuminated by the early sun. It was breath-taking. I was in awe. As I drank it all in and thought how my grandpa would LOVE to see a morning like this, knowing that he couldn't in the nursing home, the truth hit me that even a morning as breath-taking as this doesn't even begin to compare to Heaven. The beauty and light that we see here is nothing compared to the glory that awaits.

Today, while I praying and unloading my burdens, which feel particularly heavy this week, God just broke through. The ray of light that came streaming into my window was piercing it was so bright. I just had to stop and praise Him for who He is. I thought that this ray of piercing light was a way to say, "Hey Jessica; it's all right. I'm going to make sure you get that job you just applied for." I was all psyched to write this blog about how that ray of light you might have witnessed was for me because God is good & got me this interview or I made crazy headway on my work or - whatever.

I got the rejection email this morning about the job. It hurt, a lot, actually. I still have a crap-ton of work to do to graduate. It's overwhelming, to be sure. Maybe the Light's message today is, "See? Even when the clouds are thick and pressing in on you, I can pierce it. Keep looking to me. I am the Light. I will guide you. You will not be pressed too the point of crushing; I will keep you. I will provide. Keep the faith, dear one. Keep the faith."

In the words of St. Paul, "We are pressed, but not crushed; persecuted, but not abandoned; perplexed, but not despairing; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Corinthians 4:9) For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)"

Amen. Let it be so.

A lesson learned - 15 years later

2011-03-22T08:50:00.000-05:00

This is my official shout-out to my high school science teacher, Mr. Merlin Brown. As a class, we rarely appreciated what he taught us, but now fifteen years later, I am finally recognizing the value of one of his assignments.

In ninth grade Physical Science, we each had to come up with a science fair project and write an actual research paper about it. We'd competed in science fairs since 6th grade - and I'd done pretty well, but we never had to write an official research paper. We just reported what we thought would happen and what did happen. Now, we had to choose a research topic, develop our science fair research question, test it and then write about it. It was hard!

I could now go into detail about my project and how it was the first year I didn't go onto to regional or state; I won't. That's not what this blog is about.

As part of this research paper, we had to make notecards for all the research articles that we read. Then, we were supposed to arrange said notecards into the sections of our report. Sounds smart & logical, right? Well, as 15-year-old procrastinator who wrote her reports the night before (and still got an A), it sounded like work. A lot of unnecessary work, at that; did Mr. Brown not realize that I had a life? Things to do and people to see - and all that jazz?

Now, fifteen years later as the literary review portion of my thesis-like creative component is staring me in the face, I thought to myself on Saturday, "You know what would make this easy? Note cards!" I have read articles, highlighted them, thought about them - but the information and thoughts kind of evaporated when I didn't think about them for a few days. You know what would "save" that information and keep it in a handy location? Note cards!

So, you know what I'm doing in all of my spare time this week? Writing note cards! (and this blog, apparently) Perhaps the lit review won't seem as daunting now. When it's all said and done, I'll have Mr. Brown to thank.

Some Body to Love

2011-02-15T08:23:00.001-06:00

While reflecting on my past weekend with Dan, I had a bit of a revelation about love, God and the Church. I love how when we are open the Holy Spirit can teach us so many things about God from our everyday interactions. I especially love when He does that while I spend time with someone that I love being with! J

I know that Dan loves me. I mean, he did ask me to marry him – so, that's gotta mean something right? I should KNOW that fact is true every day (and I do – but there's a difference between knowing something and trusting in it in such a way that you are abiding in that truth). Yet, when living 2000 miles apart and not seeing each other for six weeks, I become susceptible to fears. I wonder what living together will be like after we get married; I mean, will I even like living with someone else or will I be so used to living on my own that I won't even like being in the same room with him for too long? I can get focused on what I am giving up: familiar places and faces, rather than focusing on what I am gaining: a new life with the man that I love, entering into a calling to love him with my whole life and to be loved by all of his.

There I was on Thursday evening, walking down the runway with my heart in my stomach because I *finally* got to be with my love, again. Butterflies of excitement consumed me; I always wonder if he'll be as excited to see me as I am to see him; I always hope that I'll still be pleasing and acceptable him. After a weekend spent with Dan, I am reminded and have an even better understanding of the height, depth, and breadth of his love for me. This weekend, I was sick. (Yes; how awesome, huh?) After six weeks of not seeing him and 364 days of NOT having the 24-hour stomach flu (yes, last Valentine's Day I also came down with the bug), I was sick-sick-sick. I wouldn't have blamed him if he quarantined me to a certain area of the apartment; he can get sick pretty easily. He didn't. He was so good, caring and gentle with me…and I experienced how unconditionally he loves me.

I know all the time that Dan loves me. We talk daily; we tell each other daily…but sometimes, we have to experience – in the flesh – the height, depth, width or breadth of love that someone has for us before it sinks in, just a little deeper, into our souls. (Some of you might be familiar with the phrase "head knowledge versus heart knowledge.") As I thought about this truth, the Holy Spirit called to mind a much greater truth: this is why we need the Church.

The Church is to represent Christ's Body on earth; we are the manifestation (visible reality) of God's love and presence on earth; we are the kingdom of God. How many people do you know who use the line, "Oh – I don't need to go to church. I believe in God; I read my Bible; I pray; I'm spiritual; it's me and God – and we're good." No, you're not. You are missing out on the beautiful reality of the Body of Christ. We are meant to not just live in relationship with God, but with others – especially those who are His.

I remember a friend of mine telling me about her son who wanted to get married. He said to her, "I know that God loves me, Mom; I know that is enough…but, sometimes, I just want someone with flesh on; I want to love somebody." The Church is our opportunity to love somebodies – and to be loved by somebodies. The key to really experiencing this reciprocating love and care requires vulnerability with each other. We need to be open to giving our time, our hearts, our joys, our hurts, our prayers and receiving the same from others. It is very true that we can grow in many ways through our private times of study, prayer and reflection; often, this time leads me to a greater amazement and awe of God…but, it's when I see Him act through people in my life that I really key into the truth of His deep, faithful, providing love for me. His love for me isn't just something written in a book (or spoken over the phone); it's real and tangible. By loving others, I also am living out the truth that He loves and cares about people. Realizing this, I'm invigorated to become more involved in the Body and to be the Body to those I come I contact with.

Negative

2011-01-22T08:57:00.000-06:00

Contrary to the title or what you may perceive from a title like that, I am not venting or going to be negative in this post. (However, some of you may hate me at the end of it.)

This past week, we have pretty consistently seen this little guy - in front of our temperature. On Wednesday, I was mailing a package to Dan and it was -2 at 8:30 in the morning. For the last four mornings, it's been at least that temperature or lower.

Lord willing, in a year from now, I will not see this little guy - in front of any numbers. HOW AWESOME!!

I know there are those of you out there who will say, "But I love experiencing all four seasons;" or "But I love grass - you won't have that." Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure that at some point I'll look at those romantic pictures of freshly fallen snow and miss it; I'll miss the smell of freshly mown grass. Yes, I don't doubt you there.

BUT I WILL NOT MISS DRESSING IN LAYERS AND NEVER HAVING WARM TOES!!!
I just like being warm. So, for a season of my life, it seems like God is going to let me be warm. :)

The end. Don't hate. Just visit. A lot. I'm sure I'll miss you more than the snow OR the grass.

The Vocation of Marriage

2011-01-16T12:48:00.000-06:00

I am excited to get married in the Catholic church. Today, it dawned on me what a blessing it is to get married (and to be married) in the Church that views marriage as a calling...not just a choice.

The New Testament reading today comes from 1 Corinthians 1:1-3: "From Paul, called to be an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and from Sosthenes, our brother, to God's Church which is in Corinth; to you whom God has sanctified in Christ Jesus and called to be holy...." As I thought about this, I was reminded of John 1:12-13: "But to those who did accept Him, He gave power to become children of God, to those who believe in His name, who were born not by natural generation nor by human choice, but of God."

Interestingly, this past week was "Vocations Week" in the Catholic Church. A vocation is a calling to a life of service. The Holy Orders - priests, sisters, brothers, deacons (maybe? I'm not quite up on all my Catholic insider knowledge) - and Marriage are considered vocations. A friend posted on her blog about vocations this week that we should develop that mindset of 'who is God calling you to be?', not 'what do you want to do?' when you grow up.

This view of marriage as a calling and not just a choice is a bit radical for our day and time. To be called means that God has initiated this marriage & love and we are simply responding. It has weight. meaning. responsibility. action. But, it also lifts the burden. Let's look at that verse from the 1 Corinthians, Paul describes sanctification (holiness) as a gift; our response (to be holy) is simply to walk in the way (live) of that gift of holiness.

This call to marriage is similar. The love that God has given me for Dan; the love that God has given me in Dan; and the love that God pours out on me through Dan is an incredible gift. It is a blessing. Responding to that gift by establishing a lasting covenant with God and each other is also an incredible gift. Our response to this gift of each other and our bond is simply to walk in the way of covenant love.

I love that our God is a God of covenant love. He is our perfect example and picture of love that sacrifices; love that gives; love that rejoices; love that celebrates; love that prays; love that forgives; love that forebears shortcomings with patience, understanding and grace; love that gives grace upon grace; love that never gives up; love that hopes; love that acts; love that is always faithful; love that is loyal; love that is constant; love that provides; love that lavishes; love that grows deeper, wider and higher; love that overcomes; love that never fails. What a gift to learn how to walk in this love; to bestow this love upon another; to be loved by another in this way.

Marriage is not only a choice; it is a calling. I say this because in today's world we view choices as things that are not binding. We can change our mind; we can take it back; we can return it for a better model. A calling is a way of life; it is who we are - not just something we do. The calling of marriage reminds me that what God wills, God accomplishes. My role in marriage is to seek Him first, to walk in His love, and to view Dan as my gift from Him...and learn how to treat him thusly. It will not be easy, but with God all things are possible.

An early, but long-waited & eagerly anticipated Christmas present

2010-12-24T14:24:00.002-06:00

Well, the point of Advent season is to prepare ourselves for the coming of Jesus - both celebrating when He was born in the stable, when He came to reside in our hearts, and when He will come again. The theme of advent is patience.

Ah, patience. A hard gift to appreciate. I've spent much of this season wondering if what I hoped & longed for would come to fruition. While I hoped for it, I prepared myself for the fact that it may not come...but, still, I hoped.

Well, on the morning of Thursday, December 23rd, Dan woke me up (by poking me in the face) and requesting that I come downstairs. I was far more interested in remaining in my bed where it was warm. He said, "It's warmer downstairs! Come on! I've got an ornament for Mom & Dad and I want to show you!" Well, I got up and went straight downstairs...in my pajamas, with my bedhead, and glasses.

I had this fleeting thought that maybe Dan was going to propose - but, when you've thought it could possibly happen for awhile, you learn to dismiss those thoughts. :) So, I came downstairs, tyring to focus (I really need new glasses!). He was waiting by the tree and started pointing out some ornaments and explaining their history. As I'm looking at some of the ornaments, I notice one of two penguins wrapped in a red scarf. The scarf had writing on it. The writing said, "Will You Marry Me?" I looked at Dan and said, "Really?" (I wasn't really sure if that ornament was for me...or was somebody else's...like one of his brothers had proposed that way. I don't know. I just wasn't sure if it was for me. When you've waited 31 years, you want to be sure that it's really for you before you go saying, "Yes! Yes!")

He said, "Yes. Will you?"

I said smiling and laughing, "Yeah! Yes! I'll marry you!"

So, there you have it. I'm engaged.

Also FYI...when you've spent your life being single and you're me (which means it's okay to think about silly things like reception decorations but not actual details like dates), it's a bit daunting to be asked WHEN the wedding will be when you've been engaged for less than a day. :) So, keep your ears open - we'll let you know!

Oh, Joseph

2010-12-18T17:31:00.003-06:00

Matthew 1:18-25

This is how Jesus Christ was born. Mary his mother had been given to Joseph in marriage but before they lived together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit.

Then Joseph, her husband, made plans to divorce her in all secrecy. He was an upright man, and in no way did he want to discredit (disgrace) her.

While he was pondering over this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph, descendant of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. She has conceived by the Holy Spirit, and now she will bear a son. You shall call him 'Jesus' for he will save his people from their sins."

All this happened in order to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 'The virgin will conceive and bear a son, and he will be called Emmanuel which means: God-with-us.' When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had told him to do and he took his wife to his home. So she gave birth to a son and he had not had marital relations with her. Joseph game him the name of Jesus.

I love Joseph. Mary gets so much attention - and rightfully so. Hers was an extraordinary leap of faith to trust that God could cause her to bear His son - to believe that it would happen to her just as the angel said - to believe and submit, even though "the world" would condemn her for being 'just another unwed teenage mother.' (Oh, maybe that was still a scandal, back in the day.)

I love Joseph, though, because he is one of those quiet, faithful leaders. Matthew describes him as upright (or righteous); he was righteous because he wanted to "do right by others and by God" - not because he kept the letter of the law perfectly. (although he may well have) I love that, though betrothed, he is referred as her husband; and she as his wife. I love that he deeply loved & respected Mary, evidenced by his desire to "in no way discredit/disgrace her."

I love that he pondered over this - probably prayerfully. While in prayer, God spoke to him. I love that God had big plans for Joseph in the birth & raising of Jesus. It was Joseph who was charged with naming Jesus. It was Joseph who gave Jesus his heritage as a "son of David," part of tribe of Judah, a root of Jesse's tree.

I love that Joseph did just as he was asked. We never hear a word uttered by Joseph, but we can learn much from his example. He wanted to do right by Mary and by God - without regard for himself. When given a message from God, he believed it and faithfully acted. Oh Joseph, you were the perfect husband for Mary and father for Jesus.

Commentary by Joan Chittister, OSB:

Mary is for us a sign of faith; Joseph, a sign of compassion.
Mary trusts God in every aspect of her life.
Joseph trusts the mercy and plan of God, as well.
Mary turns her life over to the will of God.
Joseph trusts that goodwill underlies human nature.
Her faith and his compassion are measures of our own.

Rite of Welcome

2010-11-25T07:32:00.002-06:00

I wanted to recount a little bit of the Rite of Welcome service. It was so powerful and beautiful - beyond anything that I had expected. What exactly I had expected, I'm not sure. But I didn't think it would be so powerful or captivating. Certainly, Sister had kept back most of the details because she wanted us to be caught up in the moment. As a few of us "planners" were lamenting this prior to the service, (because we need to plan to be spontaneous) she was right. We needed to NOT know all the details, so that its beauty could captivate our senses.

As she described it, we would each state what we ask of God and His church; then we would all grasp the cross; then be signed with the cross. Bada-bing, bada-boom, done. So, we thought the hardest part would be coming up with something to say. (Which wasn't that hard, it just required really thinking about, "why am I here?") I said something to the effect of, "to share in the fullness of their faith and for a place to serve, to give, and to love." Of course, I could've said much, much more - but we were limited to a sentence. (see how I joined two sentences with that lovely conjunction "and"? Yep, always getting around those rules, I am!)

As a group (there were 10 of us), we grasped the cross in response to the question, "Are you ready to take up your cross and follow Christ?" Then, we moved onto the signing. I thought it would just be a one-time sign and we'd be done. But noooo...

Our sponsor (someone who is already a member and will serve as a mentor for us through the next phase) signed us with the cross. The priest would read what I am about to write, Mary would sign me, and then the choir would sing, "Christ will be your strength, learn to know and follow Him."
"Receive the sign of the Cross on your forehead. It is Christ himself who now strengthens you with this sign of His love. Learn to know and follow Him."
"Receive the sign of the Cross on your ears, that you may hear the voice of the Lord."
"Receive the sign of the Cross on your eyes, that you may see the glory of God." (at this point, as Mary signed my eyes - I felt such heat and was reminded of something that a friend prayed about my eyes once.)
"Receive the sign of the Cross on your lips, that you may respond to the word of God."
"Receive the sign of the Cross on your heart, that Christ may dwell there by faith." (which reminded me of the time I was in 1st grade and wanted to see Jesus, so I closed my eyes and 'looked into my heart' and saw Him calming the waves.)
"Receive the sign of the Cross on your shoulders, that you may bear the gentle yoke of Christ."
"Receive the sign of the Cross on your hands that Christ may be known by the work you do."
"Receive the sign of the Cross on your feet that you may walk in the way of Christ."

After each sign, I would look out at Mary - and the joy that radiated was incredible. The joy that radiated from me was incredible. I really have no way to completely capture what I felt - but I have never felt so welcomed, so loved, so connected, so much a part of something so much bigger than myself. As I took part in this, I really felt connected to all who have gone before me, throughout the centuries, those now, and those to come.

I truly feel part of the Body of Christ. I know that, yes, before this I was a Christian and I was a part of it...but, trust me, I now KNOW it deep within...that I am connected to the communion of saints, which has strengthened my bond with the head, which is Christ.

To close, an appropriate Psalm for today:

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.
Serve the Lord with gladness: come into His presence with singing!
Know that Lord, He is God; it is He that has made us - not for ourselves; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise; be thankful unto Him and bless His name.For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting and His truth endures to all generations!

(Psalm 100)

Welcome

2010-11-20T16:44:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow I will participate in the 'Rite of Welcome' at St. Thomas Aquinas Church. This is the public step toward becoming a member of the Catholic Church.

Have those two sentences tripped anyone up yet? Well, I'm not surprised if it has. If you know me, you know that this was not a rash decision, but one that has been given much, much thought and prayer over the last (almost) two years. (I was going to say it wasn't an emotional decision, but if you know me, you know that I feel things deeply - so, there have been plenty of emotions playing a role.) The reason why you haven't heard much about it is because, well, for whatever reason, I am very aware of people's reactions, and prefer harmony over discord. Therefore, while I feel (and think) very deeply that this the right path for me, if I'm not really sure how you'll respond, well, I just tend to avoid it. Right or wrong, that's how I roll. :) (totally stole that from Paige Van Voorst)

I often say that I never would have imagined that my path would have involved joining the Catholic Church. I didn't. I think that's one of the reasons for my above actions; it's a shock to me, why wouldn't it be to others? But, while I have come to this humility that truly says, "Lord, I am the clay. You are the Potter;" and in that submission have been experiencing a fullness of my faith never found before...not everyone has responded the same way I have (hence my peace-maker nature of avoidance).

However, I think fullness is the appropriate word for what I have received thus far. Fullness of faith, joy, unity, place, and inheritance. I cannot explain it, but I have received this through my journey within the Catholic faith. The place of where and even the manner of how I worship has changed, but the God of/over All has not. It is my prayer that we all will be able to express in joy, in love, in humility, in grace and mercy what He has done and is doing for us. God is greater and moves in many suprising ways. As he continues to teach me humility and submission, I pray that we'd all be ready to see Him work wonders in our day.

"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with JOY!"

How do you measure 8 years in a life?

2010-11-03T20:36:00.003-05:00

On January 6, 2003, I started my first day of work as a advisor with the TRIO Educational Talent Search program at Iowa State University. I thought I *might* be there a year, year-and-a-half before getting married and moving away. (No, I wasn't dating anyone at the time; why do you ask?) On January 5, 2011, I will have my last day as 'Advisor' before starting a new journey the next day...becoming a full-time grad student, and teaching assistant for Ag 450.

I had no idea how hard this would be. In mid-August, I realized that I need to finish my degree, so that I can move forward. As I've progressed through my classes this semester, I have begun to think that (perhaps) I might like teaching at the university level. (I know, right?) SO, I asked about any assistantships in our department. Lo & behold, there was ONE coming available for the spring!

The challenge is that it's Ag EdS 450, the senior capstone course for Ag Studies majors where they learn how to manage a farm by managing a farm. To quote my brother, "How are you going to teach THAT class?" Trust me, Brother, already had that concern...and yes, that concern does still linger. The second challenge was figuring out if I can live on an assistantship "salary." I can make it work, BUT I'm very open to part-time work! 5-10 hours, please - hit me up. The biggest challenge was approaching my boss. How do you approach something like this? I was at a complete loss. The only solution for me was to pray. And pray. Pray some more. Recruit my "circle" to pray, and pray, and pray some more. It went well...beyond anything that I could have imagined or hoped for. I received the blessing of my director.

What caught me off guard, though, was the emotion behind the decision. Everything above was about me, my decision, my life. It makes sense to make a move like this. Right? The night before I met with my director, while talking with Dan about this, I just started crying. It wasn't about me, anymore - but my students. How can I walk away from them?

It was then that it began to settle in just how blessed I have been to have this job - this privilege - to work with my students. My goal in life, the reason I chose my major, the reason I took this job, was to "positively influence others to realize their potential in life." I get frustrated when I feel like I'm not doing this; when I feel like "my kids" just aren't getting it. Then, God gives me these moments where I can see just how blessed I've been to be doing that what I've always desired to do.

So, this brings me to the title line. How do I measure the past eight years of my life? (thinking of this brings tears to my eyes) My students. Their families. The brothers and sisters. I have been blessed. I don't know how to say good-bye to you all...only to count you all as blessings. I can only hope that my next job will be such a blessing; filled by people who bless me.

I mean really, in what other job do you have students devote entire facebook posts to you - that are GOOD?! Or say "RIP J-Rohr" and cause school controversy? Or cause other teachers to say, "She's just leaving. Is it that big of a deal?" Or say, "if only the next advisor is just 1/3 as cool..." You guys have made this journey worthwhile. It's all been for you. :) Much love & many blessings!

Leaps of faith

2010-10-19T16:55:00.001-05:00

God invites us to a leap of faith because it is the closest we humans get to experience the freedom of flying.

That's a Jessica Rohrig original folks.

Stay tuned for a life update! (Coming tomorrow - or some time thereafter!)

Spare Change

2010-09-19T20:47:00.002-05:00

On June 30, 2010, my grandpa, Joe Kremer, passed away. He fought a long fight, battling kidney failure. While I've meant to blog about him, his life and his passing - I hope I'll get to that. This post is different.

Yesterday, my cousin Valerie and I went to Grandma's to help her sort through Grandpa's clothes. Before I got there, she mentioned to Val that she wasn't ready to get rid of things, quite yet. So, we just helped her look through the clothes in Grandpa's closet and decide what to give/let the grandsons/son/sons-in-law have...and organize things.

My Grandma is a perpetual saver. As Val put it, yesterday we may have found someone who had just as hard of a time throwing away things as Grandma: Grandpa. In his top drawer, we found artifacts from the last century. Alongside about 50 white handkerchief were prayers for meetings/meals he'd been asked to bless; funeral programs from those near to him, including my great-great grandfather (and "namesake") Jesse O'Neel; old pictures; a get-well note that my aunt Barbara wrote him, and much more. We found dozens of old campaign buttons from the last 40 years: Reagan, Dole, Grassley for CONGRESS, Brandstad for Lieutenant Governor - and Grandpa's button for the Iowa Presidential Caucus as a Reagan supporter. It was incredible! Did you know that candidates used to promote their campaign with plastic combs and nail files? I didn't! I'm really thinking that these items need to be donated to the State Historical Society...and also thinking about putting all of Grandpa's political memorabilia and notes that he's written together. "A Snapshot of a Public Servant"...

Cleaning out Grandpa's drawers was a history lesson. He saved a silver dollar from 1921 - his year of birth. He collected many old coins. Did you know Dwight Eisenhower was on the silver dollar? Ben Franklin used to be on the fifty-cent piece! Speaking of the fifty-cent piece, Grandpa saved a fifty-cent piece with Kennedy dated 1964 - the first year it was issued! These coins may not be worth anything (more than their value) monetarily. But they were significant to Grandpa. You kept things like that because it was significant to your life.

Grandpa's drawer and dresser-top had a lot of spare change (not historically significant coins). We collected it and put in Grandpa's spare change container. After sorting through items, organizing, and cleaning, I found Grandpa's wallet on the dresser. I saw it, and said to Grandma, "Do you want me to put this in the drawer?" She said, "Nooo. I like it there. I like to think..." I said, "That he might be coming home to get it?" She smiled, "Yeah."

Today, I was cleaning some spare change off of my desk. Doing this made me think about Grandpa's dresser. How many years has it been since Grandpa walked in and emptied his pockets? Probably two-three? Yet, there was the change.

Then, I realized that, unwittingly, by clearing off the dresser, we were reminding Grandma that he's not coming home. Maybe what we're doing is helping her grasp "the present reality"...and I can see the good in that, but I also know we can't force it. She loved Grandpa with such depth, such faithfulness, such loving constancy. To understand the depth of love, you need to know her. I have been blessed just by knowing them and witnessing her devotion. The day Grandpa died, my heart broke watching her say good-bye to the only man she ever loved. May God bless her and hold her close.

THAT guy

2010-06-18T08:24:00.004-05:00

For all you Wayne's World fans out there, I realized today that I am Chris Farley's character. In reference to him, Wayne says, "You know, for a security guard, that guy had an awful lot of information." Well, that's me.

It's Orientation season at Iowa State. This month, 5000 new freshmen and their parents descend upon ISU, two days at a time, to register for classes, get their ISU card and their first bout of "Holy crap, this campus is huge and I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going" feeling in the pit of their stomach. Truthfully, I love this time. BECAUSE I LOVE HELPING PEOPLE! I really enjoy helping a family figure out the best route to Beardshear, or the best place for coffee on campus, or how to figure out Cy-Ride (since it took me about 10 years of living in Ames to be brave enough to attempt it), etc.

Currently, I'm a bus rider on the Orange route. This route stops right in front of Maple Hall, where the Orientation-eers stay. Every morning, about 10-20 get on the bus going to places like the Memorial Union. Now, if I was a Cyclone Aide, I would NEVER recommend that these folks take the Orange route to get to the MU. Seriously? From Maple, you'll get there in 5 minutes on foot. Maybe 7 if you walk like a middle schooler. On the Orange Route, it's at least a 10 minute ride...granted, that ride is air-conditioned, and in this humidity when you're a freshman girl dressed to impress the freshman boy with your freshly straightened hair...well, the ride might be worth it. I DIGRESS....

This morning, I decided to chat up my seat-mate. She'll be majoring in Biology and living on 8th floor Larch. I proceed to tell her about my experience living in Willow and how much I LOVED hanging lofts because of all the space they free up; how creative people get in their elaborate designs to create space & extra room; how all the athletes lived on 8th floor Larch, back in the day. (Back in the day is actually an applicable phrase for this girl, now. 12 years ago when I was in her shoes, she was 6! ayiyiyi.) I refrained from telling her it was the big party floor...she doesn't need to know that; she'll figure it out. And hey, the party could've moved to first floor by now! (Which was the nerdy quiet floor 12 years ago.)

AND THEN I remember that 8th floor Willow couldn't have the ultra-cool hanging lofts BUT they did have ultra-high ceilings, so you could have ultra-high lofts - still freeing up space. So, I told her she'd need to check on that.

All of this information was spewed out in the ride from Maple to Kildee...which lasts no more than 5 minutes. Arriving at Kildee (and knowing she was registering for classes today; yes, we covered that, too), I asked her where she was going, since she didn't seem like she was moving. [I'm telling you, she was soaking up the information I was providing!] :) She replied Bessey - which is right across the street from Kildee. Informing her of this, she quickly got up, grabbed her mom and we parted ways.

I felt so helpful! Then, as I thought more, I remembered this guy:

PRO.DUCT.IV.ITY

2010-04-27T14:44:00.002-05:00

I've had a very productive day, so far - and I still have two hours left!

Here's what I decided:
I need to finish this degree.
As SOON as I can.
So, next year, I am going to take two classes each semester and be done.
I think I'm going to start doing my research this summer, so that I can really be done. It'll be work, but, I'll have some time freed up.
To do this, I need to get my committee lined up. Two appointments on Thursday and one on Monday. We are locked & loaded. Hopefully, they all agree; 1 is in; 1 has given verbal agreement to Dan; 1 has no idea.... :)

I'm one of those people who really has to WANT something, in order to do it. Once I feel it; once I KNOW; look out, I'm ready to get the truck in gear & get moving.
I've known from the beginning that I need a committee. I've known since last year what I'd like to research. But, I haven't "felt" the need to get it done. I do now.
I'm ready. It's time. Let's do this.

I also want to start running again. Anyone want to join me? I'm a take it slow & ease into it type. That means, I follow a regimen where we start off running ten minutes - one minute on, one minute off - and work our way up to 17 minutes straight; one minute walk break; 17 on. It's the perfect training for a 5k. I think I might work up beyond that, though.

San Diego, Post 1

2010-04-27T13:30:00.002-05:00

I spent last week at a SAEOPP Priority 3 training in San Diego.

This post has nothing to do with the "me" time at San Diego; that will follow. This is just a post about what I learned. YES, I DO learn while on my "exotic" work trainings! :)

SAEOPP trainings do not disappoint! This training was very beneficial and relevant. This training focused on proven retention strategies and assessments. I really appreciated all of the theories supporting student retention and the different strategies that implement these theories. Currently, I am taking a graduate level Educational Psychology course. This training fit in seamlessly with what I have been learning, and provided many ideas. Programmatically, it was a very timely training since we will be writing our grant this summer and access to proven strategies targeting retention & preparation will help us meet the changes.

I have used the SWOT (Strengths – Weaknesses – Opportunities – Threats) Analysis a couple of times before. We used this a lot in our training. I like its simplicity & effectiveness. I think I will start using this with my students as a needs assessment & a resource to develop goals. It’s such a helpful way to think about our resources/options when making a decision.

One of the best parts of this training was our group project. We were assigned to a mentor-group and we had to develop a model focusing on student recruitment/retention or assessment. Our group focused on the necessity of early recruitment to circumvent the drop-out process. We located relevant data, created a model based on our research & different theories we’d learned and presented it. It was such a great project to really implement research into practice. I personally really liked it because I can get intimidated by research or developing models – but, this was ‘easy’! I also love collaborating with other people to come up with something creative and relevant.

The Importance of Family

2010-03-21T07:43:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking about this post for about ten days now.

Two Wednesdays ago (I think), my dad posted something similar to this as his facebook status: If you've had a daughter that has touched your life, post this as your status. Daughters are an amazing gift. He then added: 'Thank you, Jessica, for the sunshine that you bring to my life and the lives of so many others!'

I needed to hear that on that particular day. My dad has a way of saying the right thing when I need to be reminded of truth. When I was a college freshman and trying to figure out my path in the world (and not always selecting the best path), he wrote me a letter. God has used that letter in so many ways. In that letter, he told me about the joy that I had brought to him, the concerns he had for me as his daughter (knowing the ways of the world). It wasn't preachy; it was just honest. I read that letter over & over again when discouraged - in college and after - or when I just needed a reminder that life is worth the wait. One thing he wrote was, "Jessica, you have an enthusiasm for life - and that enthusiasm is catching - so don't lose it!"

I love my dad. I have been blessed to have him as my father. Knowing my dad has helped me to know my heavenly Father. Often times, when I am talking with my dad about some situation where I need advice or to vent, I'll find myself saying, "God, it just doesn't make sense!" (then I correct myself because I'm talking to my dad, not God) It's easier to understand God's caring, providential heart for me because of my dad's generous, wise love for me. (My dad has not given me everything I have wanted - but I believe his example has taught me that we can approach the throne of grace with confidence to find aid when we need it.)

To say all this, shouldn't in any way take away from my love for my mother. I am equally indebted to her for the lessons she has taught me. Our relationship is different, though. She's the one that you want to talk to after you wreck your car - because as soon as you hear her voice, you know that you can just let it go. It's okay to cry. You don't want to talk to Dad right after something like that (you might get in trouble), but your mom - she'll give you a hug. :)

I believe that God has a design in families to point us to Him. I think of how I equally love and yet differently respond to both of my parents. I believe that we respond to our fathers as we respond to God the Father (fear & trembling, deep respect); and we respond to our mothers as we might respond to God the Son. In both, we respond to their strength, love, grace, mercy, justice, kindness & compassion.

I think the family is the first place that God displays His plan for us. I know that it was through my parents that I finally understood what it meant to 'live for Christ.' It breaks my heart that there are those who haven't known the love, provision & strength of their earthly father or the compassion & kindness of their mother. We have the choice to how we'll parent/love/discipline our children and how we'll respond to our parents...and we may not always do it "right." But, I do believe that God can use even that to turn us toward His heart, as well. We are but human; we cannot do it on our own. We can approach the throne of grace with confidence to find what we need, in the hour of our need.

In Deuteronomy, God says that the sins of father will be carried out through the third & fourth generation of children; but for those that love Him, He will provide for them through his covenant of love to the thousandth generation. Psalm 61:5 says, "You have given me the heritage of those who fear your name."
Surely, God has graciously blessed me. I am humbled by that gift and responsibility. I pray that I will provide that same heritage for my children.
Thanks Mom & Dad, Grandma & Grandpa, and all who came before you.

The Crisis of "Self"

2010-02-08T20:30:00.002-06:00

This is for my students, especially those in college, for I believe that you will encounter this during your years in college; I did. I write this not to make you believe like I do, but so that you know that if and when you encounter this moment, you are not alone. There is hope; I'm sharing my journey with you. You may choose to disagree and that's fine; it's your right. I just want you to know my story for future reference...and I want you to know that I care.

For those of you with psych or education majors, you are taught that the most important thing you can do in this life is to "self-actualize." What does this mean? Well, I think that it means that you discover who you actually are. It's supposed to be good. You are supposed to find out that you are good. Well, that isn't what I found (and I don't think that'll be what you find). I went on the journey and found that I was lost. hopeless. scared.

We're taught that in this self-actualization process, we will find joy, hope, peace, and fulfillment if we do the things we really want to do. If we pursue those things, then we will be fulfilled. Well, as a sophomore in college, honestly, I had it all. (by most definitions)

I had made the Dean's list every semester; I was involved in clubs on campus - in fact, I was an officer in 3 clubs; I had good friends with similar interests and a roommate that I got along with; I went to parties. One thing I lacked - a boyfriend. Oh, if only I had that! THEN I would be okay. THEN my life would make sense! So, let's check off what I had to fulfill me: academic success, respect from peers and adults, friendship, popularity and parties.

But, I was empty. Oh, I was SO empty! I had all these things which were supposed to satisfy, but I didn't feel satisfied. I felt alone. I wondered what the point of it all was. If these things didn't satisfy, what would? At points, I felt despairing (not like depressed or ending my life...just restless), but no one knew that. No one knew the questions that I was wrestling with because you aren't supposed to talk about that.

What I knew that I needed and craved was unconditional love. If I had that, THEN my heart could rest. So, I pursued boys. One in particular - my best guy friend (who should've fit the bill, right?). Well, February of my sophomore year, some events transpired that changed our relationship. I was left feeling like I meant nothing.

This was the last straw. At this point, I realized that I couldn't do this on my own. I could not direct or run my own life because I kept screwing it up!

[A moment for some background: I grew up going to church. When I was 13 or so, I confessed my sins and believed that Jesus died for my sins. I believed that He was my Savior. At this point in college, I still believed that. Knowing Him as my Savior was where it stopped, though. When I started college, I said to God, "Thanks for all your help thus far, but from here on out, I've got it. See you in heaven!" At different points in high school, I wondered if "being saved" was all there was to this God-thing. If that's the goal, why are we still here? What's the point of the rest of life? Did I miss something? When I got to college, though, I was ready for the 'life about me' to begin. I intended to go to church, but I didn't like the Ames version of my church at all. So, I stopped going.]

So, I'd had it. When I pursued life, I found that it eluded me. I thought that my peace, joy and fulfillment would come through success, involvement, popularity or relationships - and it didn't. Pursuing the desires of my heart did not satisfy. Knowing myself - or serving myself - did not take me higher. It brought me lower.

At that point, I decided to get serious about God. I would commit to going to Salt on Thursday and Cornerstone on Sundays. I read the Bible sometimes (because my parents did and they seemed to know a lot). Life started to make sense again...and then, God really turned the lights on.

That summer, still boy crazy and convinced that love was the answer and marriage would be the ultimate solution, I joined a Bible study. During prayer requests, one girl said that she wanted to love Jesus as her husband. To me, marriage has always represented unconditional love. Suddenly, I got it! If Jesus had loved me enough to die for me, then He loved me unconditionally. HE loved me! Here, I found the love that I'd been longing for. Here, I also found the great truth I'd been searching for: if He demonstrated his love for me in this dramatic way, then I needed to respond to this action - in an equal response of love. So, I gave Him the only thing that I truly had to offer: myself.

Don't ignore the gnawing in your stomach. Don't ignore the questions. No matter how much you drink, you can't escape them. No matter the trophies that fill your shelves, you won't be filled. I believe the questions and the gnawing are there for a reason. We were created for more than to serve ourselves. We were created to do more than just satisfy our own desires.

I tell you this, my friends, because the great paradox of self-actualization is that it does not fulfill. Knowing yourself won't lead to satisfaction, but knowing God will. Since that moment of surrender, I have found peace, joy and fulfillment. Because I know God, I'm able to better enjoy this life, my job and my relationships because I don't expect them to offer me things that they can't and were never designed to do. (Granted, I am not perfect. I do slip in my devotion & understanding of where my security and hope should rest. However, God is very faithful and patient to point out error and lead me back to truth.)

Perspective on snow & holidays

2010-02-08T09:55:00.002-06:00

Christmas gets us excited for winter. The coming of Christmas, the celebration of Jesus’ birth, the chance to take a break and rejoice about being thankful for a year of God’s blessings toward us gets us excited and leaves us feeling hopeful. So, we view the falling snow as a breath of fresh air – a reminder that we should rest, that we should simply be still for a moment and enjoy the hush of quiet that snow brings. We are reminded that our daily to-do list isn’t quite so important and that there are things in this world that can super-cede our constant need to be doing & working. We welcome it because we need a reminder that life goes on even when we rest. We need a reminder that we don’t possess the control over things that we try so hard to command. We need a reminder to stop and look up to heaven. We need the snow to quiet the world so that just maybe we will listen for the still, small voice of God who still calls out to us.

…and then, for the next two months straight, it keeps snowing.

Now, we don’t welcome the snow. We’re tired of it. We’re tired of looking out our window and seeing a mono-chromatic world of gray. We’re tired of being cold. We’re tired of trudging through snow every day and having to step cautiously just in case the freshly fallen snow is hiding a giant sheet of ice. We want to dress up and wear heels. We want to do it and not have to wear 3 layers over top which just wrinkles the dress. We want to do our hair and not have it be ruined by falling snow or the donning of a stocking cap. (Okay, well, that was just written from MY perspective.) We want something look forward to – that reminds of things that are good, true, beautiful and loving in this world – because the present outlook is bleak.

Along comes Valentine’s Day. I know all the complaints against it – it’s commercial, it’s stupid, it’s an excuse for greeting card companies to rake in some more money, it makes your singleness sting worse, it’s just another day with a burden of expectation. But, I look at it as a day to do something specific to remind the person that you care about just how much you do and why. Sometimes, we just need that reminder. We need the extra warmth in the touch of a hand; the gentleness of a kiss; the deep, warm-you-to-your soul feeling of being cherished and knowing it’s real & true.

Maybe we shouldn’t need a day prescribing it because it should just be something we do…but, just maybe, we do.

Those are my thoughts. I like days that give me an excuse to celebrate life and love. It just so happens that on February 14th, I get to do that times two.

Everybody cut footloose!

2010-02-03T21:56:00.002-06:00

I. LOVE. FOOTLOOSE.

I am so, so serious. Here are just many of the reasons:

1. The lines: Jump back!

2. The scene where Ren defends the history and sacredness of dancing. "And David danced before the Lord. And doesn't Ecclesiates say, "There is a time to weep and a time for laughter; a time for mourning...and a time for dancing. And this is our time for dancing."
I actually tried using this in a friendly discussion with a high school classmate who said that he wouldn't be attending the Homecoming dance because it "leads to other things." I responded indignantly, "I have NEVER wanted to have sex with anyone I've danced with!" Anyway, when I said, "Didn't David dance to glorify the Lord?" He said, "Is that really why you're dancing?"
Okay...he had me there.

[back to the list]

3. The 80s! I just LOOOOOVE the 80s. And this movie is chock-full of it!

4. When Ren has a problem, he just "dances it out." (in an abandoned warehouse!)

5. The dancing.

6. THE MUSIC!!!

7. The memories...this movie always makes me think of Jena Hansen.

8. The theme song always makes me think of Pam. Please request that she do the dance for you.

9. Small town ignorance, religious fervor, teen angst, rebellious music & dancing...red cowboy boots - need I say more?

10. GLITTER ON THE DANCE FLOOR!

My thoughts on Moses

2010-01-28T10:59:00.002-06:00

I've been doing the 'Read Through The Bible' plan and yesterday was reading Exodus 3 & 4. I recommend reading Exodus 3 & 4 to get the context. My major thought is around Moses response to God's call and then what God says in return.

God appears to Moses in the burning bush. God then tells Moses his plan to rescue his people. He specifically says, "I have come down to rescue them and to bring them up out of Egypt and into a good and spacious land. So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people out of Egypt." (I cut some out)

But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain."

Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you and they ask me, 'What is his name?' then what shall I tell them?"

God said to Moses, " I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites 'I AM has sent me to you.'"

When we are called to an impossible task in our eyes, or one that we think is difficult and will require more of us than we think we can actually give, we ask, "Who am I? God, who am I that you would ask this of me? Pick someone else, someone who's better, who's stronger, who's holier, who's smarter, who's (fill the blank of your personal weakness) ." We think that when God actually sees who it is that He has just called, He will say, "Oh, you're right! I did mean to ask the other Jessica Rohrig - not you. How ridiculous of me!" Obviously, the God who sees and hears could easily mix us up with someone better suited for the job. We probably do need to help Him out in that regard.

Instead, how does He respond? He tells us that He will be with us - and not just that, He'll give us a sign that we can trust Him - that it really was the LORD who called us and not just some weird hallucination. But, on top of that, He says (in essence), "Do not worry about who you are - or even who you are not. The question, my dear one, is not 'Who are you?' The question is, 'Who am I?' When you ask, 'But, Lord, who am I to do this?' Remember that I AM the one who will do this."

The question, who am I? God answers by telling us to not to focus on us, but on Him. He who formed us knows that we are but dust. He knows our weaknesses and our imperfections - but, He is the one who has chosen the weak things of this world to shame the strong. He is the one who wants to display what He can do in a weak, but willing vessel to the watching world. He's not asking for us to turn in a stellar performance or to astound him with our abilities; He's asking for a willing and obedient heart to hear Him and to follow His leading and obey His call. That's all. The hard parts, the obstacles, our stubborn & sinful hearts, He'll take care of. He'll either move them or He'll make us stronger by working through us as we move them. He will be worshiped and glorified as the Lord of the Universe one day, but for right now, He simply wants us to make Him the Lord of our hearts and lives.

Books vs. Movies

2010-01-26T11:47:00.002-06:00

This morning, I was listening to Jan Mickelson on WHO. A guest (author) was discussing whether he would prefer one of his stories made into a movie or to just continue in print, through generations. He remarked that he would prefer his stories remain in print because they will continue to be read. He said that once a movie is made, it may receive hype and glory for a season, but it will fade. Stories continue to be treasured, read, shared and discussed.

A movie can help a story gain wider recognition from an audience the story alone may not have reached. However, once the movie passes out of our consciousness, who remembers it? Unless a movie gains a foothold in our experience, it will fade. Classic novels, though, continue to be read and passed on through generations. Classic novels can be enjoyed at any age.

A movie draws us into a storyline or help us fall in love with a character, but the actual novel commits us to the story (or author). Case in point: I wasn't a Jane Austen fan growing up. I may have caught part of Pride & Prejudice or Sense & Sensibility on PBS, but it didn't hold my attention or implant itself in my vein of consciousness. I had not read any of her works; it wasn't required reading in my high school. We had American Lit, not Brit. I watched the 2005 Pride & Prejudice (with Kiera Knightley) and really enjoyed it. I decided to read the novel, though, because a friend had mentioned that this movie just didn't capture the characters. That summer, I read Pride & Prejudice. This was followed by Sense & Sensibility...followed by Emma...followed by Persuasion. Needless to say, I am a fan.

I've seen a variety of movies for each storyline. Some capture the story; some are horrid. I am glad to have the knowledge of the true source, though. It is so much richer than the movie.

I think of the Chronicles of Narnia. I started reading the series in 4th grade. Even then, I could understand the symbolism used to identify characters and Biblical events. I watched a PBS version of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I'm glad I had read the book first - because after watching that, I would not have been interested in reading the novel! Movies must be well done. Simply creating a movie to bring a story to life or appeal to a wider audience isn't enough. It must be appealing in order to appeal! Now that Disney has produced some Narnia stories, the stories are accurately depicted and very well done. Hopefully, these movies can be bait to lure a new audience genre into the books!

As Lavar says, though, you don't have to take my word for it! Pick up a good book today!

Times Have Changed

2010-01-25T21:02:00.005-06:00

So, you know that the focus of your lives have changed when this picture

is replaced by this one:

This is my best friend Pam's daughter, Victoria. I've never seen a baby pose like this before! ADORABLE!

I've thought that Victoria looks more like her dad, but now that she and I have a picture like this together, I might have to change my vote!

Silver linings

2010-01-06T08:18:00.010-06:00

I'm looking for one.

Sunday, we experienced a tragedy. Dan's beloved dog (which I would like to call ours because I loved him, too...but, by all accounts, he is Dan's) was killed tragically. I am not going into the details because, well, they don't help in the healing process. Just know that it was truly a tragedy, in every sense of the word.

He will be missed. Really, he is already missed! He was such a sweet, innocent, fun-loving dog. He was great. Jud captured my heart right from the beginning. On our way home from picking him up, he found the perfect snuggling place - the base of my neck. He just crawled right up there and slept. And, I was hooked.

On a bad day, all that was necessary for a pick me up was some good Jud-time. A few minutes running around the yard, chasing tennis balls - or hedge apples followed by some snuggles and it was a brand new day. Ah, I loved him. He was the first puppy that I let give me kisses. Yeah, he had my heart.

So, Sunday was just tragic. I have never grieved like this for a pet...but, it was just so wrong & senseless the way he died. Ugh! I have hated it. And, while it may seem silly to some to cry out for justice about a pet, I have cried for justice. Because this should not happen; these dogs should not be free; this man should not own "pets." I came across a set of verses in Genesis after the flood, when God was offering his protection upon the people of the earth - he said that men AND animals would be held accountable for their actions - for harm that they cause. I would like to see that justice now.

Now a word about my amazing Dan: I am so thankful for him. You see, when he first proposed the idea of getting a dog, I thought, "Really? That's a commitment. That's a responsibility. Who knows where you will be in a year? What will happen then? You can't live in an apartment with a dog...blah, blah, blah." But, I didn't say it because it wasn't going to be my dog. The night we went to get Jud, Dan said that he was experiencing second thoughts - and I did tell him my previous concerns - quickly followed with, "Honestly, I am impressed that you want to take on this responsibility and that you desire to care for an animal. I am impressed that you think more of caring for another life rather than how it could crimp your style...because that's what my selfish heart does."

And on Sunday, despite the pain and grief we both experienced, I was - and am - thankful that Dan got Jud. In doing so, my capacity to love was increased...and my fear that caused my reservations has been decreased. In living this, my love and my respect for Dan has greatly increased. As our family and friends have expressed sympathy and support, I realize that we are blessed. SO blessed even in the midst of tragedy.

That's my silver lining.

A Good Ol' Fashioned Christmas Down On the Farm

2009-12-25T12:10:00.002-06:00

For those of you who are fans of Garfield's Christmas special, you'll recognize that title from one of the hit songs of the show! For those of you keeping up with me on facebook or via phone, you'll recognize that title aptly describes my current Christmas!

About 3:20pm yesterday, we lost power. About 4:45 pm, Christmas Eve service was cancelled.
As Mom and I waited out the loss, we gathered up candles, found some flashlights and tried to keep busy. I read a little while there was still light. Mom and I spent some time praying. Then, I decided to start working on a baby blanket. With candles ablazing in the dining room, Mom and I set to work lining up fabric and batting. It was little dark for detail work, so we opened one of Matt's Christmas presents early. Mom bought Matt a clip-on LED lamp for a cap. I put on a Hog Slat cap, clipped on the light and set to work. It was very handy! While I worked, I kept thinking about Psalm 27:1, "The Lord is my light & my salvation, whom shall I fear?"

Dad also got to open a few presents early. He purchased (yes that's right - for himself) a Mr. Heater bunson-burner heater that was hooked up in the farrowing house to keep one of Matt's sows and her 4-day old litter warm. Dad also got himself a flashlight (which is more like a spotlight) with rechargeable batteries, so he could see in the darkness which was soon settling in.

Dad finally came in about 7:30. Supper soon began: Block & Bridle summer sausage, cheese, whole-wheat Club crackers, apples, oranges and 1.5 liters of wine. It was quite the meal! :) We read the stories of Jesus' birth from Matthew & Luke and reminsced about Christmas pasts. After Dad declared it could be days without power, I said, "No! Mom & I prayed." About ten minutes later, we had power! Praise the Lord!

...some time in the night, we lost it again. "The Lord gives & the Lord takes away; may the name of the Lord be praised!"

It was chilly this morning - but the house was only down to 60. We spent some time huddled under blankets. Dad did some chores, checked out the damage...and hooked up the generator! It was so nice to have hot coffee, eat a warm breakfast, take a warm shower - have heat flowing! Praise God for heat!

Mom & I have decided that we would not be very good pioneer women. Mom said this morning, "If I was a good pioneer woman, last night when we had electricity, I would have filled up all the water bottles, pitchers, buckets. My mom would have." If I was a good pioneer woman, I wouldn't be upset about the weather putting a dent in our holiday plans! :)

So, this Christmas, Mom, Dad and I are hunkered down at the farm...waiting for electricity and the snow plow. Matt & Jess are in Osceola at her parents - where there's little snow! Dan's in Ames where there's some ice & fog, but not much snow. It would be so wonderful to be together and celebrate, but that's just not wise or possible.

While family is important today, and the feast is delicious, and the presents delightful...none of those things are Christmas. We celebrate Christmas because of what God gave us - His Son. God sent His son into this world, so that we could be saved. Not just temporary salvation like from the weather or time of trial, but eternal salvation from sin & death. His coming brought us light and life - eternally in heaven & purposefully & joyfully on earth - no matter the circumstances.

Merry Christmas to all!

The Greatest Gift of All

2009-12-24T11:29:00.002-06:00

Well, I write this post with a very humbled heart.

I just learned that one of my friends' child has been diagnosed with anacephaly. He is currently 20 weeks along. Anacephaly is a disease where the neural tube doesn't close at the base of brain stem (I think), which results in the brain and skull not fully developed. It is 100% fatal.

He is my friend's first baby - and he is a miracle. She isn't able to get pregnant and the fact that she got pregnant naturally was a miracle in itself. She and her husband have had a name ready for him for awhile: Benaiah. It means God has built this.

You know that verse in Psalm 139 about God knitting me together in my mother's womb? It's hard for me to imagine God knitting him and building him, imperfectly. Shouldn't a healthy baby equal perfection? Aren't God's works perfect?

As I just typed this, I remembered the way God described his works in Genesis. Not perfect, but good...and very good in the case of us (humans). Only He is perfect.

As I prayed for them, I prayed for a miracle - that little Benaiah would suddenly be healed. Because, I confessed to God, that's how I would see Him working this situation for good. However, God may choose to work a miracle in a completely different way - and it will still be good. Because His works are good - and He promises in Romans 8:28 that he will work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Sometimes, I feel like God is trying to shake my need for the ideal out of me. Why shouldn't he? I equate ideal = perfect...and I create standards of idealism that frankly, He has never imposed upon His people.

Today, I am humbled by the gift of life. It is quite frankly, the greatest gift that we have been given...and how do we spend it? God chose that WE should have life; He chose that WE should be able to breathe in and out, and do things, and know people - and love others & experience their love. How do we live this gift? Do we squander it? Do we numb ourselves from the feelings of life? Do we separate from the things that are hard and don't come naturally? Do we complain about the short-comings of those in our life because they aren't perfect and they're not like us?

Today, as I grieved over my sin and my own wretched self-serving heart, I felt incredibly humbled that God blessed my parents with a healthy baby girl 30 years ago...and I felt the need again for a Savior to save me from my sin so that I could live the life that He has imagined and planned for me. This Christmas, I want to be emptied of myself and filled with His Spirit so that I can love fully and deeply.

The Lord has given; the Lord has taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised!

Wowed

2009-12-21T15:31:00.002-06:00

I think I use my blog as a source to rant about my the ridiculousness of my students.

Well, not today. Today I just want to brag a little bit about my students at South Tama.

First of all, my sophomores worked so well on the PLAN test! They followed directions; they were quiet; they worked efficiently - they were great! I was so proud. (Such a difference from the day before, let me tell you what.)

What I'm really beaming about today, though, are my 7th graders. This year, we are focusing on motivation and decision-making. Specifically, why do some people choose to go to and graduate from college, while others do not? We approach this as social scientists (you know, like psychologists and sociologists). First, we have a question. Then we brainstorm possible causes and develop a hypothesis. Now, we are in the research stage. They will be interviewing two people: one who went to college and one who did not. This month, we wrote interview questions. I did a little coaching and explained about the importance of asking open-ended questions. If they did ask a closed (yes or no) question, they needed to ask a follow- up. (After reading them, it appears I should have also talked about asking leading questions. If they were lawyers, I think a few of them might be objected!)

Here's a sampling:
Was going to college an option?
Has anyone else in your family gone to college?
Name some reasons you didn't go to college.
Did you want to go to college? At what point did you stop wanting to go/change your mind?
Who influenced your decisions?
What did your parents think of your decision?
How do you think your life would be different if you had gone to college?
Would you encourage your children and grandchildren to go to college? Explain.

Here's some of questions for those who went to college: (after a few of the more obvious - where did you go, what did you major in, what was your favorite part)

How did you benefit by going to college?
What motivated you to finish?
Why did you push yourself to graduate?
Where did you go for help?
Was it a difficult task? Did you ever want to give up? Explain.
What would your life look like if you hadn't finished?
Did you ever doubt yourself?

Seriously, I am PROUD of these kids! Days like this give me some hope & encouragement. They are getting it! They are smart kids! They do think college is more than parties! =)

The Downfall of America

2009-12-16T13:44:00.002-06:00

The downfall of America is not going to be caused by a lack of government-funded healthcare or bailing out industries x, y and z. The downfall of America is going to be caused by the laziness of our citizens - namely, our youth. I realize that I sound like a stodgy, old crumudgeon, but hear me out.

While searching for scholarships today, one of my students exclaimed in disgust, "WRITE A 500-WORD ESSAY? This says that you have to write a 500-word essay to get this scholarship!" My response, "Yes, that's pretty typical for a scholarship application."
"Yeah, but an ESSAY?! Are you kidding me?"

Nope. Not kidding. I know, how ridiculous that you might have to do a little bit of work to get free money. That is just the craziest thing I have ever heard!

Maybe the era of hand-outs & bail-outs is having an effect on our young people....

Friday Morning Thoughts

2009-12-11T08:12:00.003-06:00

1) Did you check out the sunrise this morning? Wow! I caught a glimpse as I walked to the bus. Gorgeous colors! Sometimes on a brisk winter morning, God paints the most beautiful skies.

2) I am very thankful for my genes. My Grandma Ellen is practical; her rule for fasion is that it be functional. So on days like today that are below freezing, she would wear multiple layers, a coat to her ankles, a hat that covers her entire head (yes, with ear flaps and all!), a scarf and mittens/gloves. In the vein of Grandma, I have multiple layers on, wool-blend socks & snow boots. My mother is fashionable; her rule for fashion is that it looks good. So, not only am I functional, I am fashionable. My hat goes with with my coat & my mittens, too. Grandpa Herman was frugal. So not only is it important that I am warm & look cute, I also don't want to spend too much. Warm coat is not only cute, but was also on ridiculous sale last year.

3) Girls on the bus: there is a sign that asks you to hold your bags on your laps for a reason. It is so other people can sit down on the bus. Please mind the sign next time.

4) Have you ever noticed that "Staff Appreciation Day" spells SAD? I bet Michael Scott would. That's why he would call it something cool like, "Guys Afternoon In."

Daughters of Eve

2009-12-09T12:45:00.003-06:00

Maybe some of you wonder why I never blog. Well, because I really prefer to blog about my thoughts rather than my happenings.

Anyway, here's something that I've been thinking about: the effects of the fall. We really are sons of Adam and daughters of Eve and we can't help it.

Genesis 3:
Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God actually say, 'You shall not eat of any tree in the garden'?" And the woman said the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, 'You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, les you die.'" But the serpent said, "You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."

So, when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked.

And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of hte day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?" And he said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked, and I hid myself." He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" The man said, "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree - and I ate." Then the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this that you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me and I ate."

To the woman the Lord God said, "I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."
And to Adam he said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, 'You shall not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return."

Okay, so, I've been really emotional lately - and at the heart of my irrationality was fear. Fear that God would hold out on me - that He won't provide for my future, that He doesn't have a plan for me, that it's not good. I've been doing a Bible study on Esther by Beth Moore and she writes that, while the devil can't have us (because we're God's), he can still try to rob us of any victory, freedom, hope, etc. For me, this seems to happen by preying on what I fear. I fear a few things: disappointing people and apparently, the future.

So, how does this all tie together? Well, for starters: Eve doubted God. The serpent got her to sin by implying that God was indeed holding out on her. That He wasn't telling the truth. That He didn't have her best in mind. Eve believed him because she doubted. What is doubt, but a lack of trust? When I worry about the future, I don't trust that God will provide. When I fear people's opinions, I'm not trusting the Holy Spirit to guide me and follow His plan - regardless what other's think.

I want assurance. I want a big plan all laid out with the step-by-step detail. Why? Because I don't want to trust. I don't want to walk by faith - I want to walk by sight. Trusting God is hard! Trusting people is hard! ...and, apparently, we women haven't been good at that since the beginning! Thank God for the Holy Spirit! Thank God that we can develop the spiritual muscle of faith and hope! (Maybe this is why Mary was chosen - because she believed God right away! Elizabeth even says of her, "Blessed is she who has believed God.)

Regarding the curse of the fall, God said that our desire shall be for our husband, and he shall rule over us. We're all familiar with "boy crazy," right? In my opinion, this desire for a husband and it ruling over us, is the root of "boy craziness." Without Christ (and honestly, even with Him), this desire can become consuming. We get all crazy, over-thinking, jealous, sensitive, etc. And, I don't think any of us are immune from these irrational behaviors. They're just part of our emotional DNA.

Oh, and don't even get me started about how this translates to our relationships! a) not trusting God can cause us to not trust our man. b) we can get needy...which apparently men don't appreciate it.

As much as men don't appreciate it, we don't either. I hate it when I don't make sense. AND I hate when I feel things that don't make sense; that aren't grounded in fact/reality. I've been feeling it a lot, recently. As a feeler, it's difficult to not trust feelings; but when feelings don't mesh with reality - then it just gets confusing.

When God came near to them in the garden, they hid. I realized that while I've been feeling emotional & irrational, I haven't just been honest with God or let Him search my heart. I just try to put on the brave face and act like I'm not crazy. =) But in the meantime, I still get hurt and hurt others, while acting in Eve-mode.

I realized this on Monday night. This past week in our Ester study, Beth asked us how often we put our hope in others and not Christ. Well, lately, I've totally been putting Dan into the God category and not the boyfriend category. I've been wanting him to be my all-in-all, to be the all-knowing, ever-providing, all-loving. I think all that I've done is wear him out. (Oh yeah, and did I mention that this when he already is stressed out? Wouldn't that be the best time to be irrational and emotional? Oh yes.) And I have been sinning.

Man! I am so human and so far from perfection. And in my Eve-ness, I haven't been trusting God to lead him. Ugh! The thing I have wanted most from others is that they trust me and the work that God is doing in my life - but, I can't even do that. Because I'm a daughter of Eve. The original meddler. The original doubter.

But, I am also a daughter of the Lord God! I have this great privilege of repenting of my sin! And when I repent, I am forgiven. And, He has given us this great resource, this great power - the Holy Spirit - living inside us, so that we don't have to live under the power of our Eve-ness. We can overcome our craziness...but it is especially helpful when the men in our lives give us an immense amount of grace and understanding. And, imperative in that is we also extend an immense amount of grace and understanding to them - because, after all, they are sons of Adam.

You know it's time...

2009-12-04T08:40:00.002-06:00

to cut your nails when you have a conversation like this:

9th grade student: Miss, why do you have crack nails?

Me: [silent thoughts in italics; spoken thoughts in bold]
Wow! I knew they were starting to chip/crack - which has been a concern but has not yet prompted me to cut my nails; I can't believe he noticed that.
You know, I'm not really sure why.
I'm taking my calcium supplements, but maybe I should actually be drinking milk....

9th grader: No - Miss - you know what I mean? CRACK nails!

Me: Oh! Right! The drug crack! Riiight.

9th grader: Yeah. So, why do you have crack nails?

Me: Well, because that's what I do. [sometimes I can't help but be sarcastic when students ask me SUCH ridiculous - and disrespectful - questions.] You know, to get through the day after working with juvenile deliquents - like YOU - I load up on crack. This is what my life has come to.

I still haven't cut my nails. But I will be soon because they are crackED...not because of my drug problem.

Friends in Low Places

2009-10-02T10:22:00.002-05:00

Or perhaps, friends when we're in low places. Not to say I'm in a low place...just keep reading.

I met with my "major profesessor" this morning. After that, I stopped by my grad school office to see my friend Nav. As I walked back to my 'real' office, I had this thought, "Friends are there to remind us of who we are and who we desire to be, when we can't see that in ourselves."

Perhaps you're wondering, "Jessica, what in the world are you talking about? Are you okay?"
Yes, I am. But, for those of you who know me, you know that I can be very good at recognizing my short-comings. (Maybe stress the 'can' - Dan would probably tell you that I can be very good at seeing my superior-comings.) And for those who know me, you know that when it comes to big decisions that highly impact my life or the lives of others, I don't decide things flippantly. I agonize over the possible consequences and people's reactions; I worry; I fret; oh, and then I remember to take them to our Father in Heaven. (Hey, I'm trying to be better about doing that first; but, I still go back to square one.)

...and I wonder if I'm enough. I've thought this week about the cost of loving someone else...like when it hurts, when it's scary, when life hits you. When love becomes real and not just chocolates and flowers. This week, I had a great conversation with my cousin Amy. As I wondered if I could really do that (knowing my own selfish desire for the easy stuff), she pointed out, "Jessica, you already do that. When Dan had his seizure scares, you could've very easily decided after that to go. But you didn't. Jessica, you have what it takes."

Today, Nav was asking me about Dan and he said, "He must be a pretty good guy." I smiled and said yes. Then he said, "No, pretty good is not good enough. Jessica, he must be an excellent guy for you to have allowed him close to your heart." Later, he said it again, but added, "Jessica, you are good person and God-oriented, you choose good people to be your friends."

It's nice to be reminded that people can see who we are and long to be when our own fears and doubts cloud our view. Above all, I love that God sees us as His new creation, His children with full knowledge of our short-comings and the areas where we lack strength. I love that He desires to meet us in those weaknesses that His power my displayed more fully.

My "Twilight" Rant

2009-09-22T16:36:00.002-05:00

After a long hard day working with middle schoolers, I have one thing to say: If I hear one more teenage girl gush about the Twilight series, I think I might puke!

...which is essentially what I updated my facebook to status to convey.
...which was, of course, commented on by a teenage girl saying, "have you read the books? AMAZING!"

Have I read the books? No. Do I want to read the books? Honestly, no. Just like I didn't want to read the Harry Potter series when everyone was raving about them; or the Dan Brown books (Da Vinci Code, etc.)...or even any of the Francine Rivers' series. [Granted of all of the aforementioned series, I would probably read the Francine Rivers series. I did watch "Love's Enduring Promise" on the Hallmark channel and really enjoyed it.]

Why? Because...well, really - they're about vampires. And I know that, "I need to get beyond that because it's a really beautiful love story." Trust me, teenage girls, I have been told that numerous times in many different ways. But, really? A beautiful love story? Edward is ADDICTED to Bella because of her scent. If he wasn't a vampire, we'd call him a CREEPER. Boys that tell girls, "Your scent is like a drug to me," we would classify as having a problem with lust. And we would subsequently tell the girl to stay away from that creepy boy. 0 points, here.

BUT, he's a vampire. He can't help it that he's drawn to drink her blood. And really, we should praise him because he chooses not to drink her blood. Okay, well. You got me here. Edward does exhibit tremendous self-control in not drinking Bella's blood. He does not succumb to his primal urgings. Okay, Twilight: 1 point.

I did watch the movie. My roommate did tell me that the movie in no way comes close to the book. Well, that's good because I couldn't see that creating much of a phenomenon.

Really, in the end, it's hard for me to wrap my head around the vampire/werewolf/human love story. It's great that it's encouraging teen reading, and all...but, have you seen the spin-offs? There are other book series about Vampires (Thirst and others); there are new TV shows about vampires trying to make it in the world. And now the vampire phenomenon is even moving to the demon world.

I wish they were as excited for Elizabeth Bennett, Emma, and Jane Eyre as they are about Bella, Edward and Jacob. Talk about characters with real...character, grace, courage, and wit. Ah, well. I'm a sucker for the classics.

9/11

2009-09-11T13:13:00.002-05:00

You know the song, "Have You Forgotten?"

Well, to be honest, I have. There's so much focus on tomorrow - the ISU/Iowa game - that I forgot about today being the anniversary of September 11th. If you check out facebook, everybody's remembering today & where they were - just as I'm sure people continued to do on the anniversary of Kennedy's death, or Pearl Harbor, D-Day, Woodstock :), etc. But, tomorrow, will they still remember?

Not like they did today. Tomorrow will come and those in Iowa will be crazed with Cyclone or Hawkeye Fever. Sunday, we'll be focused on church, God, and family. Monday, our minds will be filled with work. And so it will go for the next 365 days until 9/11/2010.

Today, people ask questions like, "I wonder when we'll catch Osama Bin Laden." Tomorrow, they'll be back to complaining about the military and unnecessary war. Tomorrow, they'll be wanting us to go easier on those convicted of terrorizing our nation and advocate for closing down Guantanamo.

This summer, I went to New York City and actually stayed in the hotel once known as the World Trade Center Marriott. Now, it's referred to as the Marriott - Financial District. As we drove to our hotel, I thought we were driving through a construction zone...then I realized that it was the site of destruction - where 3000 people senselessly lost their lives. This is what I thought in June:
Our hotel (formerly known as "World Trade Center Marriott") was about a block from the site of the Twin Towers. As we drove by, I thought we were driving through a construction zone. As I looked to my left, I realized that, no - we were driving through a de-struction zone. Three years ago, our program brought students to NYC. We saw the site then, which was just five years since 9/11. Now, it has been eight - and NOTHING has been done. There is still a giant hole in the ground, cranes, rubble. The buidings surrounding the site have been repaired - but, still, no memorial. This blows my mind. The Pentagon has had their memorial prior to 2004. But the site of the most destruction? Nothing. Maybe New York City still feels like it's an open wound, but I think it's time for healing. I think it's time to remove the rubble - the shrapnel, if you will - and allow some green space to cover the gaping hole. Let it be green, and rolling - a place of peace and honor.

Now, I wonder if they haven't done anything because New York is somehow pleading with the rest of us to not forget.

Food for thought, I guess.

And yes, chances are, tomorrow I will go on like it didn't happen. Is that what moving forward looks like?

I heart WY

2009-08-26T22:57:00.002-05:00

You know all the things that you never thought you'd say in life?
Well, I never thought I'd say that I heart WY - as in, Wyoming.

I'm currently in Fort Collins for a work training and today the ETS/UB crew headed to Cheyenne, Wyoming. As we crossed into Wyoming, standing high upon a hill was a giant buffalo. (Okay, it's not real.) Now, from a young age, I've had a fascination with buffaloes. Well, I don't know if fascination is an accurate term. But, buffaloes captured my imagination. Literally.
In kindergarten, when all the other girls were chasing after the boys to catch them and kiss them, I was creating this giant "spear" out of these plastic, colorful blocks, so that I could hunt some imaginary buffalo roaming the O-M gymnasium.

Continuing the buffalo-hunt, last summer while in Colorado, as I gazed out at the giant plateaus, I mentioned to my friends that the Indians used to chase the buffalo off of those cliffs in order to kill them. They all laughed. While gazing at the landscape earlier this week, I just couldn't help but think about chasing buffalo off the edge.

I digress. Back to Wyoming.

All I can tell you is that when I'm in Wyoming, my whole heart breathes deeply and freely. There's just something about this place that causes one to feel freer, more adventurous, more connected to the past and believe that the future will be beautiful. I'm not sure what it is - but I think it has to do with the light, the space, and the land.

I LOVE the way that the sunlight illuminates the hills of Wyoming. I love it. It makes my heart sing. Several times this evening, I got to witness the sunlight breaking through the clouds and illuminating the hills. I *think* I captured some of it on film. (If I did, then maybe you'll see some of them soon.)

Just some thoughts

2009-08-20T08:45:00.002-05:00

I read this post the other day from a friend of mine: http://eaglesfamily.wordpress.com/2009/08/06/catholic-or-christian/. As you may know, this particular post spoke very directly to my life. I'm dating a great man who cares deeply for me, who reveres and honors God, and is a Catholic. And he loves being Catholic!

As we continue to date and grow closer, there is of course that question of where we'll go to church should we get married. Would I consider going to the Catholic church? Yes. I would. Does that shock people? I'm sure that it does. Honestly, had you told me three years ago that I would seriously consider that, I would've thought you were crazy. Why? Because, I, like a lot of those in the 'Evangelical realms' (as pointed out in Jess's blog) have had this notion of putting Catholics into an "other" category.

Am I proud of this? No. Not at all...especially when some of the most sincere and faithful people in my family are Catholics. When Dan told me about how kids in his high school wrote off his faith because he was Catholic, I shuddered. In my heart, I knew that I'd done that when interacting with my own friends before...because they didn't pray the same prayer I prayed or whatever.

I think that we humans gets so caught up in wanting to be right. We are convinced that because this church fits us then it must fit all people; or that because God reached me at this time in this manner, that's how He does it for all people. I love that in the Chronicles of Narnia, Aslan never appears to the children in the same place or the same manner because "He's not a tame lion - but He is good." He's not on command from us and He's not a formula that can be figured out. There's not a certain ritual you can do, prayer you pray, song you sing, or an order to your service that ensures God will show up or answer you. It's the honesty and sincerity of your heart in performing that, and the goodness, mercy and grace of God in answering you how He pleases - His time, His way.

As I've thought about this, the conversation between Jesus and the woman at the well has come to mind. She is a Samaritan, only half-Jewish; long ago, the northern kingdom Jews disobeyed God's law and intermarried. Therefore, the Jews didn't allow the Samaritans to worship in Jerusalem, so they worshipped at Mount Gerizim. She asked Jesus, "You Jews say that we must worship in Jerusalem; our fathers worship at this mountain." Her question: who is right? Jesus' answer: the Jews have worshipped what they know, you what you haven't - but a time has now come when you won't worship the Father at this mountain or in Jerusalem - but in Spirit and in Truth, for God is Spirit." Earlier, in chapter 3, Jesus likens the work of the Spirit to the wind - you can't see it, but you can see the effects.

As I have had more of an open-mind toward Catholicism, I've been surprised. About nine years ago, I prayed that God would do a revival and awaken people in that church. I'm realizing now that He has been - and He was way before I prayed that. He desires that His children would know Him and worship Him in Spirit and Truth - and so, He is always at work - in a variety of churches, homes, colleges, high schools, nations in many different methods. There's a lot of depth and richness theologically to the mass that I never understood before.

Honestly, I think it's beautiful that God has given us so many avenues to express our worship to Him. Regardless of the church, what matters is that our hearts belong to Him - that we worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. A friend and I were discussing churches in June, and ended up talking about Revelations when all nations, every tribe and tongue will worship Jesus. I'd never thought about it as all denominations coming together - but it will be. Now, we see in a glass dimly, but then we shall know fully, even as we are fully known.

As I have gotten to know Dan, I am impressed by his reverance and humility toward God. He has much more of an attitude like Job, "Shall we accept good from God and not hardship?" Whereas my attitude is more, "Really God? Seriously? You're gonna throw this at me?" He's a lot less self-centered than I am in that regards. He looks to God to handle the big things and takes it upon himself to handle the small things. I look to God to handle small things and can get overwhelmed by the big.

I agree with Jess. Let's allow God to take care of His churches and focus on being attentive to the way His Spirit leads us to influence others.

Pictures of New York

2009-07-16T23:17:00.009-05:00

Here's some pictures from Friday...

Knockin' Heaven's Door (St. Patrick's Cathedral):

Trump Towers (riding the escalators):

FAO Schwartz:

Eating the street-vendor pretzel!

The Perks of Central Park

2009-07-16T22:33:00.015-05:00

The two other times I've visited this great city, I had never visited Central Park.

As Lisa and I researched the spots of the Park, one site in particular caught my eye: THE CAROUSEL! You know how Elf loves Santa? That's how I love carousels.

If you have visited Central Park, you know that it is CONFUSING!!! Holy cow - Lisa and I were following all of these paths trying to get to the Carousel. I'd read somewhere that it closed at 6 - and we were closing in on 6. It would've been such a downer to find out that when we finally found that carousel that it had just closed. I'm not joking...I would've been really upset.

Finally, we saw a sign indicating the Carousel was close at hand. I was so excited that I started to speed walk. There were butterflies in my stomach just at the thought of riding this carousel - and also at the fear that we were going to get there as the last ride of the day was going. So, naturally - I started walking fast! I would've started running, but Lisa was already laughing at me.

We weren't too late! We got to ride the Carousel! It was glorious! They played a bunch of songs about New York...but I specifically remember "Downtown."

After the carousel ride, we set off to find the castle. Yes, really. A castle in Central Park! Along the way, we came upon a 'revival' - an African American preacher (think T.D. Jakes) was preaching and there was worship music. It was pretty cool. We also came upon a pond with a GIANT fountain. It was breathtaking!

Finally, we came upon the castle. You may notice our lovely parasol props. It rained every day we were in New York. We didn't take our umbrellas today...so, we bought lovely $9.95 "parasols" from H&M.

After the castle, it was time to meet Jena. However, this meant getting OUT of Central Park! The castle was on the east-central side of the park...we wanted to get to the west side, so that we could get on the right subway. Well, we got there...but not at the "exit" we wanted. Seriously, I was following the map! But the roads aren't straight!

Anyway, the best part of the visit came at this point. While walking, I looked to my left and saw a racoon. (Remember the theme?) Along the lines of Elf, I squated down and walked toward it with my arms outstretched, "Hey buddy! Hi! Hi! How are you? Oh, do you need a hug? Looks like somebody needs a hug...." Then I had to explain the scene I'd just acted out to Lisa! Seriously, you have a couple kids and you just stop watching funny Christmas movies! However, that wasn't the best part. The best part was yet to come. Approaching us was a family of 4 from Asia - all wearing "dust" masks. Obviously, these people were concerned about their health...and probably not looking for a walk on the wild side. As they came upon us, Lisa says, "Hey! There's a racoon up there!" The father responds hesitantly (and probably in fear), "Uh, okay...thank you."

I looked at Lisa - not sure what to make of that statement. Was she trying to warn them? Because...why? I mean, the racoon was NOT interested in people - he totally turned and walked away from me during my Elf routine. So, I asked her, "Why did you just say that?" "Well, I thought maybe they would want to see it! I mean, my kids get to see racoons all the time - but I bet they don't!" Nope...bet they don't. And I bet that family walked on the other side of the road to avoid that racoon.

While on our journey to the edge of Central Park, Lisa looked at me and said, "You know what we didn't do? We should've ran like Phoebe!" Seizing the opportunity, I took off down the road, running like Phoebe. However, Lisa wasn't ready with her camera - so I had to do it again! ...and this time my parasol shot open while running. It was crazy spinning everywhere. A couple weeks later, Lisa's 4-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Did you go with my mommy?" "yes." "I saw you running on the TV. Why were you running on the TV?" I thought to myself, "Oh, Madie. God only knows...God only knows...."

We did eventually make it out of Central Park and to Jena. We ate at Johnny Utah's - the oldest New York restaurant with a mechanic bull! Those city boys rode the bull holding on with both hands. They weren't real cowboys.

That night we enjoyed a 'SummerBrew Patio Party' at Jena's apartment. It...was...interesting....

S-s-s-saturday!

2009-07-16T21:51:00.014-05:00

(Sorry for the delay, faithful readers. We had no internet at home!)

Now, for the long awaited Saturday in New York update.

On Saturday, Lisa and I decided to trace our ancestors' steps by visiting the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. And in continuing with our TV theme: today it's Reading Rainbow! You know, the episode about Ellis Island? Where they play Neil Diamond's "Coming to America"? Yeah! That one! Well, Lisa got to hear the chorus, "They're comin' to America! (Today!) They're comin' to America! (Today!)" quite a few times throughout the day. Lucky for me, she thinks I'm funny.

While on the ferry, it was amazing to look at Manhattan Island and see all of the skyscrapers located in the Financial District...and remember when the World Trade Centers were there. Twenty years ago, I saw them standing tall and blue, glinting in the sun. There is a gaping hole there - and you can see it by finding the cranes. Lisa said, "You would think that if they really wanted to strike a symbol of America, and a symbol of freedom, they would've hit the Statue of Liberty - not some skyscrapers." I responded, "But, they weren't trying to hit a symbol - they were starting a war. Because hitting the Statue of Liberty would've been upsetting - but it wouldn't be terrorism. It wouldn't warrant a retaliation. It wouldn't justify a war. But killing innocent citizens would. ...and it did."

Here are some pictures of us and Lady Liberty...and a few people who wanted to resemble our fave lady!

From there, we headed to Ellis Island. It was fascinating. My great-grandpa, Wilhelm Rohrig, came through Ellis Island in 1902. A year later, my great-grandmother, Katherine, and my great-aunt (who was then 2) came through. I think that they were detained for a few days because they were sick - but I'm not certain on that.

People only spent one day on Ellis. While there, they went through medical inspections (including getting a needle in the eye!). An immigrant needed about $25 (or more) to be admitted - and shouldn't have a job - but should have good prospects of getting a job. You see, America didn't want migrant workers - they wanted people who were going to stay and become an American citizen.

We watched the 45-minute video about the history. It really amazes me to think about what people endured to come here. Even more mind-blowing is to think about where they came from - most from countries where they couldn't trust the government or police - to America, where the people admitting them were truly concerned for their welfare - offering them meals, beds, and even medical care. Only 2% of the people who came to Ellis were not allowed to enter - due to medical concerns or legal issues.

I think my favorite part was the 3rd floor museum. There were artifacts of first-generation Americans - wedding dresses, shoes, quilts, traditional dress, Bibles, hymnals, lace, dishes. I loved finding pieces from Ireland, Denmark, Germany and the Ukraine and imagining that my relatives owned and used similar items. ...I love history. I love tradition. I love family.

Here's some pictures - of 1) Ellis Island; 2) the main hall where people waited in line for hours; 3) some immigrants waiting for admission to America.

Once back on Manhattan, we hit up Wall Street - well, technically Bowling Green. We just wanted to find the "Wall Street Bull." There were so many people waiting to get their picture taken with his head...and not as many with his hindquarters. So, guess where we headed?

Friday in New York

2009-07-02T15:15:00.005-05:00

On Thursday, Lisa asked me what the theme for this trip will be since last year's trek to Colorado Springs took on an "Oregon Trail" theme. My first response was...a little to complicated...the reverse of our ancestors trek to America. Today our trip proved that the theme would be "Favorite TV shows" - as we re-enacted or encountered some of the favorite things of NYC TV.

Our day started bright and early outside of the Today show. The Friday concert series was featuring "Black Eyed Peas." The front area is reserved for special guests of the show and artists - not us. And, I wanted to sleep in (you know, till 6!) - so we didn't get "super close" - but we were right outside of Dean & Deluca's...which was recommended as the spot to watch according to my travel guide. It was a fun show and we had a great time with the ladies right in front of us! We had a great view of the back of the stage - the keyboardist, drummer, dancers.... If you check out Lisa's facebook, you can see a video of me dancing.

After that, Jena went to work for the day and we started our day on 5th Ave. We checked out St. Patrick's Cathedral, Nine West (where I got an amazing pair of heels for an even more amazing price!), Tiffany's (looking for Lisa's birthday present) - as we entered we renacted the scene from Sweet Home Alabama, one of the many Trump Towers - where I realized that TWENTY years ago I was in the same place - and where we also rode all the escalators trying to take pictures of ourselves in the many mirrors (cheap fun, okay? money is time!)...and then we hit FAO Schwartz. It was AMAZING! Multiple levels of fun!

It was after noon at this point, and I was feeling a little famished. So, we took my cousin Dave's advice and hit up a street vendor for a pretzel. Good advice about the mustard, Dave! Without it, it would've been really dry. At that point, we realized we were on the edge of Central Park and in front of the Plaza Hotel. But, Central Park wasn't on our list that day, so we headed back down 5th Ave. to Grand Central Station, the Chrysler Building and the NY Public Library.

When I say "headed down," I don't mean that GCS was near FAO...we walked about a mile to get to FAO and at least another mile back to get to GCS. Remember: money is time! :) And we weren't gonna waste any of our money, so we had to spend our time (and energy!)

Grand Central Station was really cool. It has amazing architecture. It's really hard to take in the beauty of Chrysler Building when you're underneath it - so, not so impressive. We did shop more, though - hitting up an Ann Taylor Loft and this little handbag shop where Lisa got a heckuva deal.

The New York Library was just 2 blocks from GCS on 5th Ave. I'm gonna say this folks: ignore the "25 things to see" book and just look from the outside. It is a beautiful building; it is also "home" to a lot of homeless during the day. We had quite the encounter with one gentleman in the video room.

By now, the day was getting pretty long. Our NBC tour with Jena kept getting pushed back, so we just kept pushing on. We were hoping for comfy couches at the library and instead got a sockless homeless guy. So, we kept walking and came to an Ann Taylor - where I found a great dress - again, for an even better price!

Finally, we got our NBC Studio tour - and it was worth the wait! We got to see the NBC Nightly News as it was being filmed (from the outside - they don't have a live studio audience); Jimmy Fallon was, like 30 feet, from us because they'd just finished filming his show (so we didn't get to see the studio - but we got to see him!); AND - my highlight - the SNL studio & dressing room. Again, we didn't get to be on the set because they were having a leadership symposium. It was so cool! They had pictures up from skits past lining one hallway and the opposite had pictures from this year's skits. Even better, though, were 3 costumes on display: Jane Curtain's Conehead, Dana Carvey's Church Lady, and Molly Shannon's Mary Katherine Gallagher.

By day's end, we were shot. The TV shows/movies covered today: What Not to Wear (the shopping spree part), BIG (FAO Schwartz), Sweet Home Alabama (Tiffany's), the Today Show and CBS Early Show (which films on the plaza outside FAO).

Here's us with Matt Lauer (I guess he really is this tall in person):

New York, New York

2009-07-02T13:19:00.004-05:00

I've been informed that I need to update my blog. Touche.

So, I decided to start with the New York trip - I know it was like 3 weeks ago that Lisa and I were hanging out in the Milwaukee airport. But, as they say - better late than never!

Thursday, June 11

Destination: NYC

We left DSM about noon. Dan drove me to the airport. (Insert "Aww" here.) (After we got to the hotel, Jena asked if Dan drove me to the airport. I said yes and smiled. ...and promptly got made fun of!!)

Lisa and I flew Midwest Airlines. The main reason? Cheap prices, yes - but FRESH CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES! (I know, I'm a sucker for a good deal.)

Our flight to New York was delayed just over an hour. However, when we landed we were informed it'd be a 2 hour delay; later on, it was almost 3 hrs. Then, about 4:55 as Lisa and I were going to grab some dinner, I checked the departure time. It was leaving in 25 minutes! And we had to go back through security!

We made it to the gate with no problems and enjoyed TWO cookies on this flight. Which totally tided us over since we didn't get dinner.

We landed at LaGuardia about 8:20pm. It really reminded me of landing in a foreign country. There were people everywhere (and most didn't look like us), it was warm & humid, and the bathroom signs reminded me of Heathrow.

We actually booked a Midwest Vacation - packaging airfare, hotel and a shuttle to the hotel. Handy, yes. Cheap, yes. Ridiculously long wait to actually get to the hotel? Yes.

But, you get what you pay for. And, time is money - which proved to be the theme of our trip. Maybe if we had more, we would've spent less time getting (waiting) around. :)

We finally got to the hotel at 10:30pm, after a ridiculously long phone conversation with the front desk, seeing a lot of the city (we checked off the United Nations, the New York City post office, Times Square - though, we'd be back, and a lot of other non-descript hotels and apartments), and a lot of laughter. (Jena had been waiting for us around an hour. )

We set off for food - and found a cute little deli/grocer a quick jaunt from the hotel. As old friends do, we spent the next two hours catching up, talking, laughing and munching on puppy chow. :)

All in all, we turned in after 1 am...and Lisa set the alarm for 6!

Our hotel (formerly known as "World Trade Center Marriott") was about a block from the site of the Twin Towers. As we drove by, I thought we were driving through a construction zone. As I looked to my left, I realized that, no - we were driving through a de-struction zone. Three years ago, our program brought students to NYC. We saw the site then, which was just five years since 9/11. Now, it has been eight - and NOTHING has been done. There is still a giant hole in the ground, cranes, rubble. The buidings surrounding the site have been repaired - but, still, no memorial. This blows my mind. The Pentagon has had their memorial prior to 2004. But the site of the most destruction? Nothing. Maybe New York City still feels like it's an open wound, but I think it's time for healing. I think it's time to remove the rubble - the shrapnel, if you will - and allow some green space to cover the gaping hole. Let it be green, and rolling - a place of peace and honor.

Touchdown

2009-06-16T13:02:00.002-05:00

I almost called this post "the beautiful letdown," but I didn't...because that would imply that coming home is a letdown from the trip. It's not. I am SO glad to be home; I love Iowa- the space, the sky, the greens and blues and the sunshine...our rural traditions; I love being able to see Dan again; so, it's not a letdown. But, there is an adjustment.

Adjusting back to "real life," to the work schedule, to everyone who didn't just see and experience everything that I did is a process. And for me, part of that process is reflecting back on everything that I saw, felt and did. So, get prepared for some reflective blogs...as well as the hilarity of our NYC trip.

I had such a wonderful time with my good friends from grade school - Lisa and Jena. We've been classmates since kindergarten; my friendship with Jena really started taking root in 2nd grade and with Lisa in 4th grade. Why do I know this? (Because I'm me)...and that's when I invited each of them to my slumber parties. For me, that was when a person made it into my group - when they passed my friendship test to get an invite to the slumber party. From 4th grade on, our group of friends became the "Regular 6" - the group to be friends with in our class.

We were the smart ones, the jocks, the involved ones, the officers of our class, NHS, FFA, student council...and people wanted to be in the group. People resented us (at times) that they weren't; and after high school, people still felt that we did "Regular 6" things.

What is weird to me is that a) I never felt like I was in the popular crowd; it's not like the "Regular 6" were at all the cool parties ('cause we weren't - in fact, I think only one of us ever actually ended up at a real "party" in high school - and that was the one that got busted!); it's not like a "Regular 6" was the student council president, senior class president or even Homecoming Queen (although, we did have 2 on court - but, seriously, not one of us was keeping track of this stuff as a "regular 6" clique type of thing). In fact, in high school and even junior high, we were friends, even better friends with girls outside of the 6.

...but there's something about us that keeps us together...that binds us.

I don't know what it is; it's not a pair of magical pants that keep us bound to each other. I don't know what it was - the Dirty Dancing dance sessions, the years of shared laughter, the time we spent together in Sunday school/youth group/confirmation, the time on the sports fields or sporting FFA jackets...and even in those moments, we weren't always together. But The 6 are tight. We know each other - even after months of separation we pick up where we left off and we make new memories. We are an amazing friendship group. Throughout the years, our friendships with each other ebb and flow. Sometimes I'm closer to Jina or Jena or Lisa or Lindsay or Allisha understands what I'm going through better...individually, we ebb and flow. But as a group, we are tight. As a group, we are strong. As a group, we survive and support each other.

It really is amazing to me. How blessed I am to have my group! I am so thankful for God's amazing provision of friendship to me through this group of women. Who knew twenty years ago that we would last like this? This group who knows me, accepts me, challenges me and loves me faithfully and loyally. It is such a gift from God. Oh, I hope that whenever, if ever, I have a daughter (or more) that she is blessed with such a group from an early age.

Oh, how I love them! How I long for the next time that we are together! How I miss them when I touchdown to my real life. ...and then I get back into my life and forget to call or write; until the next time when we pick right back up.

Ah, God is so good to us.

Tupelo Honey

2009-06-09T07:35:00.002-05:00

I'm a big fan of Van Morrison, right now.
I'm especially fond of "Tupelo Honey."
I just love the lyrics, the relaxed beat and his soulful voice.
Ah, it's nice.

When I was in Savannah, I saw a store that sold Tupelo honey.
They also sold honey lattes, which I am a big fan of.
Alas, I did not get one. I guess I'll just have to enjoy the song for now.

She's as sweet as Tupelo honey;
she's an angel of the first degree;
she's as sweet as Tupelo honey -
just like honey, baby, from the bees.

(this post is a lot like a deep thought by Jack Handy)

Seize the day!

2009-05-27T22:42:00.002-05:00

So, I had my first experience ever visiting someone in the ER today.

It all began when I got a call in my office from the Animal Science Department secretary.
She had Dan's dad on the line; he wanted to speak with me. At first I thought, "What? Why would he want to speak with me? And why would he be patched from Animal Science? Maybe he's calling about misquoting him in my editorials to save Extension. Crap. I should've asked him." (Man, I had a lot of thoughts.)
Then he began, "Hello, Jessica. Dan is in the ER."
"What?" Talk about a sentence to call you from "your" world and "your" potential problems.
"Yes, he apparently passed out in the lab and he was taken by ambulance to the ER."

Uh, okay. His dad was very calm on the phone, which caused me to not freak out. (Yea Dean!)
I mean, he was conscious now.... In fact, his dad was so relaxed that I wasn't really sure if it was necessary for me to go check on him. However, if the tables were reversed, I would definitely want Dan there - no matter how trivial. (But, really - how "trivial" is a trip to the ER?!)

So, the story goes like this: Dan was working in the lab and felt light-headed. He made a strange grunt/groan - alerting the only other guy in the lab that something was wrong. He then slumped over and fell to the ground (but it sounds like it was sort of slow-motion). He bit his tongue (hard - but not in half as his dad feared) and was out for 15 minutes.

Weird, I know. Anyway, he appears to be fine; his CT scan and bloodwork were all normal. Praise God! Thank God for his protection - Dan could have been at the farm...and then no one would've seen it; it could've happened at 6 when he first got there - and then he would've been alone.... But, he wasn't. Please continue to pray for him. He meets with a neurologist tomorrow. The doctor today didn't seem to think anything was really wrong; sometimes, this just happens. Let's pray that this is just a one-time thing!

It was really neat to see how concerned people in the An Sci department were. So many people showed genuine concern and helped out...or stopped by...or called. It was nice.

We just never know what a day will hold.

Too much

2009-05-11T11:06:00.002-05:00

You know what's hard about life? Living. Caring. Loving. Giving.
You know what's scary about life? Living. Caring. Loving. Giving.

Why? Because it requires us to give ourselves. Not our money. Not our time. Not our intelligence. (well, it does actually require all of those things) But to the greatest extent, it requires our hearts. To live: to care, to give, to love - we've got to expose our heart to the scariest thing of all: death, rejection, hurt, wanting something so much and not getting it.
But if we don't, we risk never living. Never experiencing the greatest thrill of all...being cared for, receiving, being loved...being alive.

I don't consider myself to be a brave woman by nature. But, by the grace of God, through His power, may I live unafraid...staring fear in the face and going for what will require all of me.
I don't want to get to the end of my life and say, "You know, I really wish I would've stood up for what I cared about. I really wish I would've spoken when I had the chance." I don't want to say, "Sorry; but, what could I have really done? My one voice didn't really matter much. Who am I to speak? Sorry, God, but I didn't realize you created me with power." Rather, who am I not to?

At church this weekend, I was approached by two older women who read my editorial. (my letter to President Geoffroy) And they both say, "Jessica, what can we do? I can't believe that this happening in Iowa - and it makes me just sick. Will your letter really make a difference?" After getting President Geoffroy's response, I don't know that it will make a difference. I wonder if all my passion and zeal to "save Extension" is just hot air and ridiculous...and I hear these women ask in earnestness, "What will it do? What can be done?" And I can't believe that no one will listen to them, to me...that nothing can be done. That we can have something so important ripped out of our hands without any one standing up.

It just can't be the end. ...and I am so afraid that it will be...that the effort will be in vain.

2009-05-07T05:46:00.003-05:00

I feel as though I've needed an outlet to express what I've been learning or found interesting. Truth be told, I haven't had a "people" outlet to discuss novel things in the Word - and I miss that. (Yes, I've got Connection group and 180 - but I'm referring to things learned "on my own time.") I learn by discussing, so here's me talking:

Last night at 180, we were discussing the choice you will make: will you choose to either serve the Lord or the gods of your forefathers/the gods of the Amorites? (Joshua 24) Joel used the 3 chairs illustration: 1) born-again, on-fire believer - hot; 2) a "Christian", but has one foot in the world and one foot at church - lukewarm; 3) wants nothing to do with Christ - cold. As he continued, though, he said that Chair 2 isn't an option. In life, you can't be Chair 2 - it's either hot or cold. Lukewarm isn't an option. Then he took us to Revelation 3:15.

3:14 - 18: These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.
19 - 20: Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
21: To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on His throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.

Honestly, lukewarm is an option. I think our students confuse the chairs with whether you are in Christ or not - saved or not. And you can't be half-saved; you either are or you are not. ...but you can be lukewarm. The church in these verses has become lukewarm because it no longer is dependent on Christ; it's become self-sufficient...it trusts in its abilities to provide for itself and acquire wealth/prosperity. It has lost connection with the Head - with Jesus. Who among us hasn't wandered into this area of unbelief in our walk?

"You don't reliaze that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." Did this church become self-righteous? Yes. Do I become self-righteous? Oh, more than I would like to admit! More than I would like to admit! If dating Dan has revealed to me only one thing about myself it is that I am self-righteous. I so want to elevate myself - into what I have done or not. In v15 Jesus says, "I know your deeds - but you aren't hot or cold." So, it's not that this church wasn't doing anything (good or bad) - but, that isn't the point. Jesus wants our heart not our works!

In v18, he counsels us to buy from him gold refined in fire - so that we may be rich; to buy from him white clothes - so that we could be clothed; salve - so that we could see. He is asking us to go deeper in our trust, in our walk with Him. He is asking me to spend more time with Him and to ASK. To ask for the refinement - which will come in the form of a trial, most likely (1 Peter) - but the result is that we will be rich!

He is asking to come in to our hearts. (v20) Jesus loves the lukewarm church - that is why he is spitting them out of his mouth. He wants them to recognize that they need Him! And they don't need to work harder(v15) - they need to open the door of their hearts (v20). He is asking for us to surrender and let Him be the God of our lives, the Lord of our heart.

As I examine my life, I need to open the door more. That's the deal with this lukewarm-business, I don't think it's a one-time thing. It is a continual process where we submit to Jesus. The promise, though, is the right to sit with Jesus on the throne! Can you imagine? We, who were lukewarm - who were going to be spit out - we get to sit on the throne if we only surrender to the Lord Jesus.

That's pretty awesome.

WHAT THE CRAP?!?!

2009-04-30T11:01:00.002-05:00

I am having a profound, "What the crap?!" moment right now. In fact, that statement doesn't even come close to describing the sadness and anger that I am experiencing right now. Not even close.

I just received a notice from my county Extension director that her job has been eliminated.
And not just her job - no, ALL ONE HUNDRED county Extension director positions in the ENTIRE STATE OF IOWA have now been ELIMINATED. In addition to the loss of 100 Extension directors are 5 area directors. There will be additional cuts across the board to state staff and programs. The five focus areas will be reduced to three.

I am pissed off right now. Why? Because Extension programs made me who I am; because the woman you know as Jessica Rohrig was shaped by Extension programs; because I know that I would not be where I am today without the support, encouragement and guidance provided to me by my County Extension Director. I am not over-exaggerating these comments. I know who I was, and I know who I am.

Without 4-H, I would not have stepped out of my shell. Yes, 4-H is a local program...but without our county council, I would not have stepped out into leadership positions. Without Deb Hall, there would be no Speak Out For Agriculture program where I could interact with youth from other counties to plan educational (and fun!) career-based experiences, as well as develop the confidence to approach professionals working in the agricultural industry. Without Deb Hall, I would not have applied for area and state awards. Working with Deb Hall, I had the opportunity to ensure the continuation of the Southwest Iowa Area Council - an avenue which further increased my confidence in who I was and what I had to offer as an individual and as a leader. Without Deb Hall, I would not have pursued my Master's degree... I most certainly would never have chosen my intended field as Ag Education with an emphasis on Extension, if I had not had the opportunity to learn from and alongside her.

Deb Hall changed my life. She saw potential in me that I could only have dreamt of existing. She put in countless hours molding and shaping me into the leader that I am today. I know that she would never to make such claims and would be humbled by my boldness to assert that she is the reason. By the grace of God, He allowed me to know her. By the grace of God, He gave her wisdom and insight to know when to encourage the timid girl that I was.

Why am I pissed off at this decision to cut ALL Extension directors? It is not because my mentor and friend is losing her job. It is because my heart breaks that future 4-Hers will not have the opportunity to experience this same thing. I know that I am not an exceptional case. I know that in every county, there are countless stories of youth growing into expectional men and women, leaders in their counties and state because an Extension director invested in their lives.

I am mad that our society values the investment in our youth so little. I am mad that we will spend billions to "stimulate the economy" and pour billions into the auto industry and Fannie Mae and Freddie mac, while the future of our state quietly gets cut from the budget. People say over and over again that the youth are the future. Well, why don't we start investing in what works for change? Why don't we invest in people? Why don't we allow what has worked for over a century to continue to do so?

Land-grant institutions were created to bring education to the people - to the common folk - to the farmers and the housewives. Extension was the primary vehicle for this delivery. It makes no sense to remove the state's connection to the people - the County Director - in order to save a few dollars. It is the people who live in these counties who know how to best serve their people. It is the people at the state level who are disconnected. Extension was a beautiful picture of grass-roots...and recently, this has been marred by a lot of top-down, beaurucratic decisions.

Today's announcement says that more control will go to the counties. No, it won't. Today's announcement promises to be good for Iowa and for the future. Well, it will be good for high population centers. But, for those of us growing up in rural Iowa - for those of us who live in counties where the population is diminishing - well, we'll see diminished service. So much for growing the economies or the populations in these areas. So much for serving ALL of the people. Tell me, how will that be good for Iowa? How will it be good for those youth?

What the crap.

While a sophomore in high school, our county was working to pass a referendum to increase the property tax by $0.01 to support Extension programs. Alongside many volunteers, I helped to promote this effort by going door to door, talking to people and handing out stickers. It was from this effort that I began to value grass-roots efforts. It was from this endeavor that I learned that people can bring about positive changes - that people have a role to play in what happens to them - that people have power! FROM EXTENSION! As a 16-year-old, I learned that I have a responsibility for what happens to me...and some adults have yet to learn this.

Something has to be done. We cannot just sit back and allow a small committee to make a decision that essentially affects the entire state of Iowa. I don't know what can be done or even where to start - but I know that we can - and must - do something. This is our time to speak up. If we don't, no one will. We are the ones who have been shaped and changed by Extension, we must stand up to preserve it. If you're interested in joining me, let me know.

When March Went Mad...

2009-03-30T08:56:00.003-05:00

Did you know that March "Madness" officially began 30 years ago?
Until dating Dan, I had no idea. It all began when the Michigan State Spartans faced off in the championship against the Indiana State Sycamores. Magic Johnson vs. Larry Bird. April 2, 1979.
The most-watched championship game (at that time)...
Madness.

I've gotta say that one of the most fun things (for me) in dating Dan has been getting back into sports again. For those of you yet to meet him, let me give you a quick intro: he loves sports. LOVES MSU and all things Spartan. (and it's really not an understatement) ...and he likes the Cyclones. And when it comes to random sports trivia, facts about players, mascots of various colleges and in minor & major leagues of sports...he's got a mind like a steel-trap.

Back in the day, I loved watching basketball. In upper elementary, middle & high school, and into college, I watched March Madness like it was going out of style. I remember the Chris Webber foul-up when he called time-out with none left, the Grant Hill to Christian Laettner pass resulting in his turn-around jumper (mainly because I was at the Lilly's and said, "That sucks." Debbie Lilly promptly reminded me that we don't use that kind of language.) ...watching ISU men play with my loyal Cylcones Jina & Allisha (and eating some make-shift puppy-chow with granulated sugar instead of powdered), watching the ISU women beat UConn to advance to the Elite 8 while spring-breakin' it at Lake Panorama, and even making an effort to watch ESPN in Costa Rica in 2000 when our men made their storied journey to the Sweet Sixteen. (which was ended, interestingly enough, by MSU. But whatev, no hard feelings now, right?)

And then I stopped. Cold-turkey. I'm not sure why; probably because I didn't have friends that valued watching sports. Plus, I probably thought Jesus didn't want us wasting our lives on sports. (Which is partly true; I mean, "It is seek first the kingdom of God" not "the kingdom of sports.") However, when you know that sports isn't life, but understand that sports can make life enjoyable & interesting (oh yeah, and that life is about God & oriented around Him first) - I think it's all right to partake in some Madness, now & again.

And, you know what? I like it! and I really like following the games with Dan. So, I will cheer my little heart out tonight for the Cyclone women as they take on Stanford & I'll be cheering like crazy on Saturday night for the Spartans (especially Goran & Lucious!).

I am SpartaClone. GO STATE!

I think I'm in love....

2009-03-21T10:43:00.003-05:00

Wait for it...
wait for it....

Nope, it's not what you're thinking. =)
I think I'm in love with northwestern Wyoming. I'm in Powell, Wyoming for my second-cousin Julie's wedding. And I LOVE IT!
I am surrounded by mountains on three sides and wide open spaces stretching as far as I can see. My heart breathes out here. Big, deep breaths of satisfaction, wonder and peace.
The last two mornings I've stepped out of the house where we're staying and drank in the golden sunlight illuminating the plains contrasted against a gorgeous blue sky.
Beyond that, this is one adorable little town. I've been working on my research proposal in a coffee shop the last couple days...and I'm love with this place, too. =) I've sat in front of a big front window with a table all to myself while people come and go and chat around me. If you know me, this is my ideal study environment!
Have I mentioned the friendly people? This morning while preparing to begin work, I had two great conversations with random strangers. One guy even gave me a free personality assessment. After our short conversation, he said, "You're outgoing; you're still figuring out what you want in life; you're smart. I can tell by your handshake that you don't like two things: B.S.ers and liars. I also know that you know how to establish boundaries and you don't let just any one come in too close to you."

Yeah, I could live here. =)

Daylight Savings

2009-03-09T09:24:00.000-05:00

Daylight Savings time came to Orient on Sunday, March 8, 2009.
Daylight Savings time came to Sabrina Elizabeth (my car - the Fusion SE) on Sunday, March 8, 2009.
Daylight Savings time came to Rachel's house on March 8, 2009.
Daylight Savings time did not come to Jessica's room on March 8, 2009.
In fact, it barely came on March 9, 2009!

I went to bed like everything was normal last night. I set my alarm for 6:15 and thought nothing of it. When Rachel got up at 6:15, I thought to myself, "Good for Rach! She's going to work out!" Instead, she started getting ready for work. I thought to myself, "Good for Rach! She's going to work early today! ...kind of a bummer for me because I still have to get ready."
I went downstairs (thinking that it was 6:25) - when in fact, the stove said 7:25. I honestly thought, "Huh, the clocks are an hour ahead." I really truly thought that we had gone backwards for a moment! ...then the truth hit me. As well as the truth that I was now under the gun to get into work on time!

I got here by 8:25. That included making the bus by 8:06 and stopping at Caribou for coffee & a bagel. The really good news? Caribou is offering free shots of espresso in EVERY drink today & tomorrow!

I think I'm a fan of Daylight Savings time.
...at least until the caffeine buzz wears off. =)